That Lady, There: Aspiring to Join the Foreign Service at Age 50

My First Portuguese Song

2012-01-22T07:11:00.000-08:00

Our Portuguese teacher recommended that we start listening to Brazilian music as a way to (a) develop an ear for Portuguese and (b) to improve our accents. Read more ...

Starting A New Phase

2012-01-16T13:02:00.000-08:00

I've enjoyed being here at Blogger, but now somehow feel the need for change. I've decided to move this blog to a new domain:

ThatLadyThere.com.

I hope you'll stop by for a visit!

Pushing Personal Boundaries

2012-01-16T12:59:00.000-08:00

So yesterday a good friend took me and my kids car shopping. Friend and Son are real car enthusiasts and very knowledgeable. Between them, I felt as though I were in good hands. Read more ...

Olá!

2012-01-11T12:57:00.000-08:00

Yes, I'm back.

It's been a while, I know, and I feel slightly guilty about that. But I've been telling myself that at least I "ended" this blog on a positive note. For me, the question was, would I continue it? I honestly didn't know. And I was busy, busy, busy ... with A-100, and Flag Day, and the Swearing-In ... all wonderful events, none of which I sat down to write about, partly because they were flying by with such speed that I was just happy to keep up, partly because "they" (meaning State) did such a good job of impressing me with the need for discretion that I simply didn't want to take any chance of saying (writing) anything wrong.

And I still feel the same way. However ... (Click here to read more.)

It Finally Happened!

2011-10-02T14:44:00.000-07:00

I got an offer.

Today, Sunday, this afternoon, my son saw the email first.

We're over the top with relief and joy. This has been a long, hard slog and I'm so very, very grateful that it's finally over. Now, I can move on. We can move on.

For the moment, I don't want to even think about all the work that awaits us, just to get ready for the move. That's joyous work and I know we'll manage it.

For the moment, I just want to be grateful.

Thank you for all the heartfelt words and prayers of support you've sent along the way.

Another Class

2011-09-29T12:43:00.000-07:00

... has apparently passed me by. I've been informed that all invitations to the November class have been sent out. Not everyone has responded yet and so I suppose there's still some smidgen of a chance that I'll get an offer, but I'm not holding my breath.

I remain grateful, however, that this class is happening at all. It arrived in time to save some people whose candidacies were about to expire. And it should result in another increase in my ranking and increase my chances of getting into the January class. So I'm going to try hard to focus on that and bury my disappointment.

Thanks to all the folks who have written and sent me their best wishes -- and blessings and congratulations to all those who've gotten offers.

So ...

2011-07-28T03:47:00.000-07:00

It's probably painfully obvious from my long silence that I did not get an offer. I did come close, though. I missed by only three places. There was hope (a bit of roller coaster ride) up until the last moment. The last offer out was finally accepted just two days ago.

Good news: my new rank puts me in the "green zone." Bad news: offers for the next class probably won't go out until October / November, which means there's plenty of time for my rank to slide.

I guess it's back to studying Turkish. Sigh.

Slightly Obsessive, You Say?

2011-07-10T09:02:00.000-07:00

The Shadow Register was quiet all last week. No one reported any (second-round) offers. I waited and waited and then on Friday checked my rankings again to see if there had been any movement. Well, yes, there had been. I'd moved up -- by exactly one slot.

Grrrr! Teeth-grinding time.

ONE SLOT??? What does that mean?

Could it be that only one new acceptance had come in since the last time I checked (an entire week earlier)? Or could it be that the overly-busy folks at State simply hadn't had the time to update the Register?

In late May, my rank was 27. Checked two days after the first round of offers went out, my rank came in at 19 and therefore reflected at least eight acceptances. The latest rank of 18 would make it nine. That leaves a lot of offers (publicly) unaccounted for. And that could mean the possibility of more offers, couldn't it?

Oh, tell me it would!

I want to think positively. I want to be confident. I want to hold my chin up high and keep a stiff upper lip! And there have certainly been moments when I've managed to do exactly that. But please note that I said "moments." Not minutes, or even seconds, but moments. The rest of the time I try not to think about it. As a matter-of-fact, I spend an inordinate amount of time trying not to think about it. It's exhausting.

This business of sitting on the Registers is ... well, it can certainly tinker with your sanity, can't it? For example, if you're like me, then you don't consider yourself particularly adept with an Excel spreadsheet. But you suddenly find yourself very adept at designing fairly complicated formulas and charts to track your progress on the Register. You assign a green zone and an orange zone and a red zone to the rankings -- those ranges where you're most "likely" (or unlikely) to get the call. And you scour the board for rankings related to previous offers, then double check the dates to make sure those numbers don't reflect a different time, a different reality -- that they're still relevant to your situation, to right now. You do all that and plug it all in and admire your pretty handiwork and then ...

Well, then you collapse. You realize that you can do all the calculating you want, but unless you're ranked in the single digits, you can't be sure of anything. Even then, your optimism is affected by an awareness that you're incredibly vulnerable to a host of factors beyond your control.

So how am I feeling today, at this moment? Optimistic, I'd say. Irrationally, perhaps, but still happily.

We'll see. This week should provide definitive answers.

September? No Offer, Not Yet

2011-07-05T10:20:00.000-07:00

People on the A-100 Yahoo forum started reporting offers last Monday, June 27. None of those highly desired emails from State arrived in my mail box, unfortunately. And yes, I'm bummed. I admit it.

I think my rank before the offers for the September Class went out was around 25 or 27. Actually, it could've been much lower down on the Register, since I hadn't checked my rank in a month -- and a lot can happen in that amount of time. Long story short, I checked on Wednesday and learned that my new ranking was 19/180. This was the result after all consular offers for the September class had been sent out. (I've read that ranks don't change when the offers go out; they're only updated when people accept an offer and are then removed from the Register.)

If any of the initial offer recipients declined, then we'll learn about it this week, I hope. Usually, second-round offers, when there are any, are sent out the week following the first round.

I would so love to get an offer, but I'm steeling myself for another week of silence, and then months of watching my rank slip.

But, in the meantime, I'm sending out my best wishes and congratulations to those who did get an offer. One of the most touching and meaningful stories is that of NJT. I'm so happy to hear that NJT has gotten an offer -- finally. This person has gone through a lot. My heartfelt blessings go out to the winner and family.

A Commitment to Blog

2011-06-01T16:16:00.000-07:00

I think it's about time to admit to myself that my Foreign Service dream might never come true. You might look at my last officially notified ranking, #27, and think, "How can it be that high and she still be worried about not being chosen?" Well, if it's one thing I've learned, it's that nothing is guaranteed about this business of getting into the Foreign Service. Ranking has all the stability of a yo-yo in constant motion and scores that would guarantee an invite at one point fall far short of the mark at another.

So, I've been thinking about my blog. I'm not really a blogger. The tendency to share my thoughts or activities doesn't just come to me that naturally. However, I decided to start this blog for a very specific reason and promised myself I'd make a special effort with it.

When I first started applying to the Foreign Service, I was thrilled to find blogs by working FSOs. My main focus, however, was on their early entries, the ones where they talked about the process of becoming an FSO. Many of them were quite sketchy there, so I started looking for blogs that were written by candidates, that detailed the lengthy and agonizing struggle that some -- not all -- people go through to get this job. I was hungry for information about the FSOT, the QEP, the Orals, etc., and how it felt to take each step. But I found very few blogs like that. Most people, it seems, only begin their Foreign Service blogs when they actually join the Foreign Service, right after getting the A-100 invitation, when they know the adventure is about to begin. There seem to be relatively few of us who start their FS blog well before there's a guarantee of anything. I hoped this blog, for better or worse, would help fill that niche.

So now, I'm sitting here and thinking. Suppose I don't get in? What will I do about this blog? When will I stop writing it? I think I'll stop when my candidacy ends. I hope that the blog will segue into a Foreign Service career, that I will get to write the next chapter, about life in the A-100, but if I don't, then I will at least write until July 2012. That's when my candidacy is to automatically terminate. I will leave the blog up after that and be available to answer questions or respond to comments, if there are any. I hope that whether I get through or not, this blog will help those who are walking a similar path.

(Gee, I get all goose-pimply just thinking about this. It reminds me of an Indiana Jones kind of thing, where somebody finds himself in some unexplored and unfamiliar part of the world, then spots a skeleton in the corner of a dark cave. There's a message in blood on the walls and the skeleton's bony finger is pointing the way forward --> That way!) :-)

Bad News

2011-05-30T14:37:00.000-07:00

The last time I posted, one of my commentators brought up the possibility of a November class. That news cheered me. However, today someone on the A-100 board brought this to our attention. It's a quote from the State Department's career forum:

At this point, there is no A-100 class scheduled for October 2011. Our last A-100 class of this fiscal year will begin Sept. 12. The class following that is scheduled for early 2012.

The schedule could always change based on budget and hiring authorizations, but that's where things currently stand.

So it's the September class, or bust, for this calendar year, anyway.

My concern isn't just for myself, though. It's for the people whose candidacy will automatically terminate this year. Every now and then I see an anguished message on the board, as in the one by the person who quoted the State Department forum message. I feel for him and know that I could one day be standing in his shoes.

When I first started this process, a waiting term of 18 months seemed so generous, but at that time, people with even 5.4s were receiving invitations within four to six months of landing on the list. Now, 18 months seems like the shortest time in the world.

P.S.: Secrets Shared

2011-05-26T11:03:00.000-07:00

After writing my last post, and feeling downhearted about my chances to get the call, I indulged in one of my favorite activities: blog reading, specifically Foreign Service blog reading. It's always proven to be informative and entertaining. In this case, it also happened to be very inspiring. I visited the blog This Sojourning Life and happened upon an entry called "The Secrets of Adulthood.

Here are the excerpted "secrets" that moved me:

- Just in Time - things have a way of showing up just when you really need them - not when you thought you did. Be patient, relax and ...

- Have Faith - it may not turn out the way you think it should at the time, but it will be fine - and may even take you to new places that expand your horizons.

- Absolutely nothing can change or take away the love that your family and real friends feel for you. And that is all that is important.

- Ask for what you want. Get clear, be concise and direct - and use your words to ask for what you want - whether it's to a person or to the universe - put it out there. If you don't ask - no one will know what you want.

It was very timely to run across this entry. It was just what I needed and has made me feel better.

Keeping Hope Alive

2011-05-26T10:06:00.000-07:00

All the invitations for the July A-100 have gone out. Apparently, all were accepted on the first go-round, so there was no second round. This news didn't surprise me. After all, several of the decliners for the May class indicated a preference for the July orientation; others were coming off the DNC list. Also, there's a general sense of slow panic on the A-100 Yahoo forum right now. People are urging everyone to accept an offer because the chance might not come around again.

The lowest rank to receive an offer in the consular cone was #25 on the Shadow Register (an attempt by the forum to duplicate the official Register). The candidate had a score of 5.6, so no 5.57s received invitations this time around.

Next up is the September class. It's to be the last training class held this year. Then there's a long haul until 2012, when there's usually a January class. I say "usually" because of the uncertainty of the budget.

Invitations to the September class will probably go out in late June/early July. If I'm not a lucky recipient, then that'll mean a long wait until October/November, when invitations for the January class go out. Three months in which my ranking could again start to slide, as high-scorers are added to the list and others improve their scores with mega-bonus language points.

I've been chasing this dream for nearly three years now. I'm exhausted. My family is exhausted. And we're all a bit frustrated. I've thought about taking the FSOT again, but ... just the thought, just the thought of running that whole gamut again ....

For the past few days I was able to get away from worrying about all this, days I spent immersed in my other world, the book world, at the Book Expo America convention in New York. It was great to be around so many wonderful, creative people and gorgeous books brimming with unusual ideas. I also had a good time seeing friends who live at a distance. It was nice, very nice, to be with people like me: writers.

I'm finding it hard to write right now. I'm finding it very hard to focus. But I have to. My agent just wrote me this morning and reminded me that I have a short story due. And I'm reminding myself that I have a manuscript due, my deadline, not his. Sales on my latest book are doing well, so I can be happy about that.

This summer, I hope to be able to find enough peace of mind to focus on writing again. Finances are tight, so I can't take a big vacation -- I don't want to, anyway. Instead, I'll aim for several mini-vacations, long weekends, essentially, in which I visit friends in Boston and Chicago and maybe Vermont and West Virginia. There's even the possibility of a trip to Austin.

When it comes to summer goals, there's this apartment, too. Old and battered and full of stuff. Seven rooms of stuff. Last month, I finally got my mom settled into an assisted living facility. It was clear that she was happy there and not moving back here, so I at last felt free to empty this place. I went to work with tons of gritty determination. However, the dust (a toxic mix if ever there was one) got to me. Sneezing and wheezing, I had to call time out after several days. I finally wised up and order a mask with a HEPA filter. It arrived the other day and so I'll spend part of my summer emptying the place, room by room.

Last, but not least, is studying Turkish. It's not a "difficult" language, not really. But it is complex and learning it requires one's full concentration, something I'm having a hard time giving right now. Still, I'll pursue it. It's a beautiful language and I have a great teacher. I doubt I'll be able to learn it well enough to pass the language test, but I'll keep trying.

A Sliver of Hope

2011-05-19T09:55:00.000-07:00

Yup, that's right. Invites are going out for the July training class. Someone on the Con list at #25 actually got called. So I suppose there's some sliver of hope for me! Depending on whether people turned down their invitations, a second wave of invites might go out next week. Here's hoping!

What Can I Tell Ya? I'm Weak.

2011-05-02T13:45:00.000-07:00

So, I'd promised myself that I wouldn't bother HR at State for an update on my ranking until it was clear that all of the offers for the May class had gone out and been accepted.

Guess what? I couldn't do it. I just couldn't wait that long, ("that long" being probably no more than a day.) This morning I gave in to temptation and sent that little request for an update.

The folks in HR are efficient and fast. I've apparently "inherited" one of the slots inhabited by the last guy who was called. His rank was 33/190 and my new one is 33/189.

Here's hoping that that number will be as lucky for me as it was for him!

Great News: 5.57s Have Gotten "the Call"

2011-05-01T16:42:00.000-07:00

At least two people with scores of 5.57 on the (shadow) consular register have now gotten the call for the May class. One said his (official) rank (on the real register), as of last week, was 26/193 and the other said his was 33/190. That's certainly encouraging.

Of note, one guy said he would have expired off the register in 12 days. The other had been waiting since August 2010. So it felt real good to see their notes on the A-100 Yahoo Forum message board. I felt good for them and good for me and the rest of us 5.57s.

I hope the next calls, for the summer class, will reach the 5.57s also. I'm about four or five slots down from one of the people who were called this time around. Those slots are filled with people who've also been waiting a very long time and I'd like to see them get their chance.

And yes, I'm praying for me, too. I would pick up and leave tomorrow if State called. That's how ready I am.

Good News & Not So Good News

2011-04-22T15:47:00.000-07:00

So the previously canceled May A-100 has been reinstated and calls have gone out. This has made a lot of people very happy and restored hope.

Meanwhile, my ranking has dropped. My new ranking of 40/196 is actually the bounce back after having fallen to an estimated nearly 50 while Congress sorted out the budget, during which delay more and more folks tested for high language bonus points and moved to the head of the line.

There's faith now that there will be July and September classes. One of the forums on State's site did mention a November class, but for some reason that was never listed on the A-100 board. It seems to be a given that the September class could be the last one of the year.

At one point, I held out hope of getting the call for the September class. Now I think it unlikely. The tops of the registers are crowded with high-scorers -- from 5.7s up to 6+. In some cases they take up as many as the first 30 places. It will take a while to pare this down. Also, some of the Pickering and Rangel Fellows, as well as others who were perhaps finishing up degrees will be coming off the Do-Not-Call (DNC) list and become available for training. All that pushes my humble 5.57 further down the list.

How's my Turkish coming along? Slowly. I'm enjoying the language, but it's hard to stay motivated, when I know that next year's budget is not only up in the air, but the likely subject of another contentious debate, one that could end up with State severely restricting its hiring.

I guess I'm praying for a miracle. I never would've thought that a 5.57 would be just shy of good enough when I started this journey, but that's how it's turned out. Wow ...

Hearing the Silence

2011-03-12T16:48:00.000-08:00

Ever since the (unofficial) news came that State canceled the May class, I've had to make a conscious effort to keep hope alive. At one point a 5.57 was more than enough to guarantee an invitation to an A-100, but those days seem to be gone. The number of people with 5.6s and up continues to climb, mainly due to language bonus points. And each week that passes by my rank falls lower and lower on the Register.

Nevertheless, I do feel a sense of hope. Why? Well, it isn't due to my nascent gifts with Turkish. Lemme tell ya! I'm studying but progress is slow.

I guess I choose to believe because (a) it just feels better than giving in to despair; (b) common sense dictates that Congress will eventually pass a budget, one that will (eventually) allow State to resume training and (c) that the November class mentioned on State's website will help defray the damage done by the canceled May class.

Speaking of which, I also (d) retain hope that there will be a May class. The State Department responders to questions on the Careers Forum keep saying that invitations to A-100s go out six to eight weeks in advance, sometimes as little as four weeks in advance. This runs counter to the approximations posted on the A-100 Yahoo Group, which put advance notice at up to 90 days, i.e., 12 weeks in advance. If I go by State's statement, however, (the wiser choice, don't you think), then notices wouldn't go out before the middle of this month. In other words, if Congress passes a budget in time, then we might have a May class after all. That would be great.

Meanwhile, I'm considering signing up for a once a week Turkish beginner's class. I think I've already learned more than half of what the class would teach me, but I miss learning in a group and I believe I need practice in communicating the language. Most importantly, I want to make sure I have the fundamentals down pat. This is the same method I used to teach myself German. I started by studying alone, then took a basic course to firm up the fundamentals, and built on that, teaching myself the rest. By the time I moved to Germany, I understood 75% of what I heard. I was reluctant to speak, but once I started, it wasn't that difficult.

I still hope, however, that I won't need Turkish to get the call. I hope, and pray, with all my heart, that Congress will find a shared, rational and reasonable middle ground, and that within the next few weeks, we'll have news of a firm decision that takes us to September 30, the end of the fiscal year. It wouldn't address the matter of the November class, but it would be a start.

Meanwhile, I try not to think about how so much of this involves factors beyond my control. I think about Bridget (over at the B files) and how she anguished over getting the call. In the end, she waited only four months. Going by her time line, I had thought--hoped--to get the call in May for a July class. That seems like an impossibility now. So much has changed so radically since she got the call in October, only five months ago.

Five months from now, the pendulum could swing back the other way, I suppose, but how far down on the Register will I be by then? My rank has already been pushed down to the forties. The number of people with 5.6s and up continues to increase every week. And as more of them realize the narrowing window of opportunity, fewer of them will be going DNC (Do Not Call) status.

The chatter on the A-100 board has all but stopped. Everyone's just watching and waiting. You can almost hear the silence.

New Rank on the Register

2011-03-03T09:15:00.000-08:00

Five minutes ago, I got the great news that my bonus points have been officially added to my score. That new tally of 5.57 brings my ranking from 109/191 to 37/199.

Wow! I feel dizzy, almost like I've just ridden a rocket ship!

This really increases my hope of receiving the call sometime within the next six months. It's so good to feel hope again.

Grace and Blessings! I Passed!

2011-03-02T06:07:00.000-08:00

My son opened up the email from the BEX yesterday and found the answer we'd been praying for:

“You passed the German BEX language test …”

I was so stunned. So totally stunned. I had actually already written to BEX, requesting to take the test again. I was that convinced I'd flunked it. And meanwhile, I'd started listening to Turkish tapes, wondering if it wasn't better to just spend the next six months learning Turkish.

That was yesterday. This morning, I'm still trying to take it in. But the shock is fading and it's giving way to gratitude. I’m grateful, so grateful, and so very, very relieved.

Almost immediately after receiving the email from State, I wrote back, asking for an update on my ranking on the Register. I’m hoping that my new score of 5.57 will put me in the thirties. I do hope so. There are quite a few people with 5.6s and higher, but not so many. It’s mainly the other 5.57s I have to stand behind. We’re listed according to when we landed on the register. My date was January 12. So I’ll go behind the person who got on the register before that date and ahead of anyone who got on later, even if they received their 5.57 before I did.

I pray to get the call late this spring or early this summer, for the A-100 class that is schedded for the fall. Perhaps they would have to increase class size again and reach fairly deep into the register to get to me. Some say that's unlikely. Still, it might happen. The March class is already filled. There’s a class after that, which I doubt I’ll be called for— and then there’s another class after that. The third class would be the September one. That’s the one by which time I sincerely hope I’ve moved high enough up on the register to receive "the call."

In the meantime, I'm still considering whether to study Turkish. I really enjoyed the tapes I downloaded. I didn't have the faintest idea of what I was saying, but I found the pronunciation surprisingly easy. And it was enjoyable to start with a fresh language. There's an intensive beginner's class starting in April and I would like to sign up for it. I could study it now without pressure. If I get good enough at it, then maybe I could actually take the Turkish test and pass that, too. Wouldn't that be something?

But the main thing I'll do with this waiting time is use it to prepare — to clean up the apartment, empty it of clutter, make it ready for us to pack and move to Washington DC. The cleaning process will also help me believe that this is going to happen. We will be leaving this place and we will be moving on to a better one, a safer, cleaner, happier one. That’s our future.

Language Exam and Karma and Hope vs the Other Thing (Despair)

2011-02-17T17:30:00.000-08:00

I have no idea whether I passed my German language exam. It was ... indescribable. Partly because of NDA requirements (which were not mentioned, by the way, by the testers, but are mentioned on State's website, I believe). And partly because ... part of me just doesn't want to think about all the mistakes I made.

In a word, I babbled. And babbled. And babbled some more.

Until they cut me off. Politely, but firmly, brought it to an end.

I had been dreading this test for weeks; this morning, leading up to it, my stomach was in knots. By the time 9 a.m. came around and I lifted the receiver to call the testing site, I was more nervous than I'd been the day of my Oral Assessment.

Really?

Yes, really.

Why?

Because the difference in score could--at this point, most probably would--make all the difference in my chances of getting an invitation to an A-100, in other words a firm job offer. The same OA score that two years ago would have been a shoe-in, and even this time last year would've stood a healthy chance of success, now means almost no chance of getting in.

On January 20, I was 107 out of 182 on the register. As of yesterday, I was 109 out of 191. Not good. I'm dropping like a rock and the register continues to grow longer. I had hoped that because a good number of people were reportedly invited to the March A-100 that I would move up. Instead, I moved down. And I received this news on the eve of my phone test. So I put enormous pressure on myself to pass this thing.

Now, trying to think positively, I suppose I can say that although I'm not happy I babbled, I am glad that I didn't become too terrified to speak. If anything else, I went the opposite way ... continuing to yammer on, trying to find the right words to express what I meant until they had to shut me up. Politely, but firmly shut me up. Actually, it's rather funny when you think about it.

I just wanted to go out and get drunk. Unfortunately, we don't have liquor in the house. I always forget to buy some. So I promised myself that when I went out, I'd go buy myself some booze and drown my sorrows. And I did. Go out, I mean. I took my laptop to the shop and was relieved to hear that instead of spending $800+ for a new logic board, I'd only have to spend $400 for a flat fee to fix the multitudinous things plaguing my baby. Then I went to the post office and finally picked up copies of my latest book (an about-to-be-best seller -- yay!) and then I went home.

Did you notice something?

I forgot all about my plans to guzzle liquor until I walked in the door. Well, I was so upset about that that I decided to fix some home-grown brew. I tore my coat off, marched into the kitchen and found some instant coffee. I poured some granules into a nice tall glass, then added milk and sugar. Stirred briskly. Drank greedily. With a little imagination (okay, a lot of imagination), it tasted just like Benedictine. There ya go! Benedictine on a tight budget. I promptly got drunk on my home-made liquor and passed out in the living room armchair, exhausted after weeks and weeks of worrying about deadlines and tests and making clients happy.

Then I woke up.

Ever since then I've been trying to tell myself that them cutting me off doesn't equate to an automatic failure. But ...

I've also reminded myself that I can take the test again in six months or that I've already found a school where I can study Turkish for a reasonable fee.

I keep telling myself that I've only been on the register for one month. I still have seventeen months to go -- seventeen months to learn a new language and get those bonus points.

But I'm also tired. I've been chasing this Foreign Service dream for a long time now, and I'm exhausted. I feel as though I'm chasing after a moving target. Every time I overcome one hurdle, I turn and suddenly find a new one.

My son and I talked about me going for a third round--taking the FSOT, etc.--but ... I'm not the only one who's exhausted. My family and friends are, too. And I've begun to wonder whether this whole thing is "meant" for me. And yes, I do mean in the metaphysical, psychic, karma kind of sense. Remember that saying, "Many are called, but few are chosen?" Well, I've begun to wonder whether I'm meant to be one of the 'many' and not of the 'few.'

I spoke to a wonderful woman this evening, an acquaintance who has had to endure a double liver transplant and a mastectomy and who is still fighting cancer. She spoke to me about hope. She doesn't know my situation. We were discussing something else entirely, but her words struck a chord. Actually, we were talking about survival methods. She said that everyone needs to feel hope, that it was important to find something specific to hope for, even if it's something small, something you can cling to.

So I'm trying to find hope now. I'm praying for a miracle, that I passed my language test after all. And I'm praying for real movement, upward movement, on the register.

In the meantime, I want to thank everyone who takes the time to visit this sparsely-written blog, to read my entries and then leave a comment. I appreciate the support and encouragement. It has meant a great deal to me. So thank you and best wishes also to those of you who, like me, are still struggling to run this crazy marathon.

Yes! I'm On the Register!!

2011-01-19T13:51:00.000-08:00

OMG! I got the letter today! I've been added to the Register for the Consular Affairs career track!

OK ... Determined to be Thrilled!

2011-01-19T07:51:00.000-08:00

So I've checked the A-100 boards and it seems that a Final Suitability Review takes an average of two weeks, but can run as long as five months. The common advice to nail biters is not to assume that a lengthy stay in FSR is tantamount to failure.

Oh, well ...

I've decided not to go right into worrying about it. I'm going to give myself at least 24 hours to thoroughly enjoy the news about getting clearance.

I will not -- I absolutely will not -- go right on to obsessing about FSR!

Oy vey!

Oh, no! Another worry!

2011-01-19T07:22:00.000-08:00

Twelve days? Twelve days since I received clearance? Does that mean I'm stuck in Final Suitability? :-(

Another Milestone Passed: Security Clearance

2011-01-19T07:10:00.000-08:00

I just found out that I got my security clearance. Yippee! Yes, this old broad is jumping about and clapping her hands like a three-year-old. Well, not physically. But she sure is mentally.

I am soooo relieved and happy. According to Customer Service I actually received clearance on January 7, 2011. That's 12 days ago, folks! Twelve days in which I worried and fretted and told myself that a watched pot never boils.

But am I on the Register? That's the next question, isn't it? Have I been officially placed on the Register?

Stay tuned for updates ...

(She floats off, singing in the background.)

UPs aNd dOwns

2011-01-12T05:00:00.001-08:00

Last week, I calls DSS to check the status of my security clearance. I already knew from a previous call that they were going to miss my target date of January 4th, because of a "lead pending.' That news had upset me as I knew from the A-100 board that "lead pending" could translate into months of waiting just for the information-gathering part of the process to complete. So I was quite encouraged to learn, with that last phone call, that this phase of my case had been completed after all, albeit one or two days late.

The next step would be the decision as to whether my case would go straight to Final Suitability Review or face the dreaded detour of Adjudications. I read on the A-100 board that a majority of the cases do end up going through adjudications. That can add merely days or, unfortunately, months to the processing time. Even more unfortunately, that's where a candidacy can reach a final and irrevocable end. (If adjudications turns you down, you can appeal, but statistics, apparently are not in your favor.)

During that last phone call, the customer service representative recommended that I call back today for an update. I've been praying for good news, but trying to prepare myself for bad. Of course, trying to prepare yourself for bad news never works. It just means you spent time worrying.

Still, I was OK. And then I did something really dumb, something I know I shouldn't do. I went back to the A-100 boards to see if there was information about class sizes and whether invitations for classes had been sent out. I also wanted to check the Shadow Register* to see how long it was and the scores of those who had received invitations.

A little voice told me not to do it. Did I listen? Nope.

The Shadow Register shows that the list of waiting hopefuls in the consular track is up to 180; it's even higher for other tracks. The class sizes are down, but could be inching up again. However, the lowest score of the last people called was 5.7. Up until about a month ago, a score of 5.7 put you in the 20s on the Register.** Now, people with a 5.7 are dropping "down" to the 30s. Even as recently as late 2009, a score of 5.4 was more than enough to net an invitation to the A-100. With a 5.7, you were a shoe-in. Around the beginning of 2010, that began to change. People with a 5.7 were beginning to have to sit, and wait. As time went by, the wait got longer. Now, at the head of 2011, a score of 5.4 just means you have the privilege of sitting on the Register. It also means that you have almost no chance of getting the job. And a 5.7 seems to mean that you have only a slightly better chance of getting the job.

Upsetting? You bet. I tell myself that with a 5.7 it's still just a waiting game. That if you hold on long enough, you will inch up the queue; they will get around to you. I tell myself that, but I'm not sure I believe it.

In their desperation, people are going through the process again and again, signing up to take the written test, pushing through to the essays to score that invitation to the OA again. They're pumping themselves up to go through that nerve-wracking marathon day of testing, hoping to increase their base score. At the same time, they're using their savings to sign up for intensive language courses -- Turkish, Chinese, Russian, what have you -- whatever could snare them an extra 0.4 points.

I'm seeing incredible scores on the Shadow Register: 5.8 and 6. This morning, one of the Shadow Registers (I forget which one), showed a score of 6.15. This person might have had language plus veterans' points. Now, of course, a score such as 6 or higher is rare, but the 5.7s, 5.8s and 5.9s are becoming less rare. There seem to be more and more of them and the rate at which even they are receiving invitations is slowing down.

The last time someone with a 5.4 got an invitation to an A-100 seems to have been last April, according to the Shadow Register.

I should forget about the 5.4s you say? After all, I'm going to pass my language test and get those bonus points, aren't I? I wish I could be that confident. I can speak "my" foreign language well enough to enjoy everyday conversation. But I have neither the vocabulary nor the confidence in my grammar to handle complex subjects such as current events. And they ask you about that stuff on the phone test.

I was very depressed this morning after visiting the board. I thought about my much anticipated phone call to DSS, the one I'm to make this afternoon. And an inner voice said, "It won't matter what the outcome is, will it? Because even with a 5.7, your chances of getting this job are just short of zero."

So, yes, I'm down today. Very down. And as I sit here, I can barely read what I'm typing. My sight is bleary with tears.

I'm so tired of struggling. If this door closes to me, I don't know what I'll do.

* The Shadow Register is an attempt by the folks on the A-100 to duplicate the official Register. The information on the Shadow Register is totally dependent on people voluntarily submitting their information. Many participants do not participate, however; others share their information initially but do not always update it. So, the Shadow Register varies in its accuracy. However, I've never seen anyone who got into the A-100 come back to the board and say the impression the Shadow Register conveyed was totally off track.
** Your rank reflects where you are in line for an A-100 invitation. So a rank of 1 means you're first in line; a rank of 20 means you're twentieth and so on.

Great News Today: Medical Clearance Granted

2010-12-07T15:19:00.000-08:00

The headline says it all. I checked my emails late today and found the great news. And do I feel relieved? Oh, boy, you betcha!

For some folks, getting medical clearance is as easy as falling off a log. For me, well ... it meant a lot of repeat visits to doctors, extra tests -- and an extra form. Plus, there were my kids to get taken care of. So, when I got that email, I sighed a very deep sigh of relief and sent up an extra special prayer of gratitude.

One more step -- one major step -- nearer to becoming an FSO. I am so happy. What a relief!

Now, for the security clearance. My target date is January 4, 2011. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure what that stands for. Is it the date by which all information-gathering must be done and my file submitted or is it the date by which a final decision is made? I have a feeling it's the first. Which means more wait time after the "target date." Sigh.

I would love to start the New Year with a security clearance. Wouldn't that be grand?

I must admit that I've been down a bit lately. I stopped reading the FSO blogs, which I'd come to love, and I've stayed away from the A-100 forum. Especially, the later. Why? Because "listening" to people worry about when they'll get an invitation to the next A-100 classes depresses me. I envy them. I'm not proud of it, but it's true. I wish I was at the point where my main worry was about getting an invitation. It would mean that I had my clearance and was on the Register.

I will be soooo grateful when that day comes!

In the meantime, I've scheduled my language test for mid-January. I don't plan to really "study, just to refresh my skills. Toward that end, I plan to start reading in German (books and online newspapers); I'll also resume listening to Deutsche Welle on iTunes, as well as talk to my son in German. (He speaks it fluently.) I don't want to make a big to-do out of this. I'll only end up making myself nervous.

For now though, I have a novel to finish and a contest to judge and literally fifty+plus novels to read within the next four weeks. I'll plow my way through that and keep praying that my security clearance goes through smoothly.

So I Just Got Some Inspiring News ...

2010-10-06T09:42:00.000-07:00

Almost as soon as I passed the OA, I started worrying about whether my score would be high enough to get me off the Register. I plan to take the German language test, my success at which would raise my score to 5.57. Last year, even a 5.4 would've pretty much guaranteed an invite to an A-100, but this year, matters seem to be different.

Anyway, I've been faithfully following the progress of another Consular aspirant who has the same constellation of scores. She was put on the Register in mid-June and had been languishing ever since. I felt her agony before the OA; after it, I really identified with it. Every time invitations to an A-100 went out and she didn't get one, my heart felt a little heavier.

Well, this afternoon, I read on her blog that she got an invitation to the January A-100! I'm so happy for her -- and grateful. I'd just been praying for a sign, something to give me hope -- and her news was it! OK, so my joy in her success has a selfish tinge, but I'm totally thrilled for her and thankful for the inspiration her success will bring not only to me, but to others!

Yaaaaay, for the Bfiles!

I Made It!

2010-10-01T05:47:00.000-07:00

I'm still getting used to it.

I did it! I made the cutoff! I finished with a 5.4, humble but adequate.

Will it be enough to get me an invitation to the A-100? I don't know. I don't even want to think about it right now. I just want to enjoy a sense of relief.

Thank you everyone for the warm thoughts and encouragement. A special thanks to one of my study mates. On the night before my OA, he sent me an email with some wonderful advice:

When you arrive at Annex 44 tomorrow, try to leave everything behind that is unrelated to your performance. Don't worry about the past; don't worry about the future.

Perfect words of wisdom. They helped a lot.

I'm so grateful. That's all I can say. I'm just so grateful and relieved!

Days Away, Last Minute Preparations for the Oral Assessment

2010-09-23T07:29:00.000-07:00

In exactly seven days, I'll be in DC, taking the Oral Assessment for the second time. I alternate between feeling composed and optimistic to being frazzled and terrified. Up, down, up, down. Every small accomplishment makes me feel better: like successfully completing a practice Case Management exercise, or coming up with a new story for the Structured Interview, or practicing those stories with my son. His feedback has been sharp and encouraging.

Earlier this week, I took another look at my Statement of Interest. Last year, the assessor gave it back to me with a warm smile and said, "You might want to use this again." I took it as a compliment, an indication that he found the essay worthy and convincing.

Fast forward one year, I take a look at the same essay and realize that it won't do. Why? Because it was very clearly tailored for the Public Diplomacy cone. This time around, I'm applying for Consular. Now, the prompt given on the Statement of Interest form does not ask you to explain your reasons for your choice of a cone; it merely (merely?) asks you to explain why you want to join the Foreign Service. However, common wisdom holds that you can -- and should -- use this essay to demonstrate a strong knowledge of and affinity for the responsibilities you would hold as an officer in that cone.

So, I faced the choice of making the essay general, which would be fine as I'm applying as a "generalist," (as opposed to a "specialist"). But I couldn't resist the temptation to again make it as strong as possible in terms of focusing on my cone.

I thought I did a good job, but then I took another look at it and well ... doubt crept in. So I'll be taking another look at it today, and probably tomorrow, too! ;-)

I spent a good part of the morning freshening up on high school math. Believe it or not, I never studied statistics -- mean, median and mode. A question involving central tendencies is the one kind of math problem that appears on the practice FSOT that State hands out and now I've realized why.

Last year, I bombed the CM exercise, which, as Digger pointed out in advance to me, is the only exercise where you have the opportunity to demonstrate quantitative skills. I thought the essay was all about writing and management and finding solutions under pressure with few resources. Well, it is. But a significant part of that is providing a qualitative description of the problem and a quantitative analysis of the data to back it all up. My impression? No quantitative analysis = no passing score. So, while I'm still worried about the writing part of it, I'm even more concerned about the quantitative part. Hence, I've been studying, studying, studying -- percentages and ratios and basic methods of statistical analysis. No matter what happens, I'll feel inoculated against any guilt at not having adequately prepared for that aspect of the CM.

I spoke to another one of my former study group members yesterday. She took her OA earlier this month, and had some excellent advice: find some alone time if you need it. Like me, she's an introvert, so she was exhausted after a day of constant, non-stop social interaction. She needed time to herself, but felt too polite to take it. There's a lot of waiting around during the OA, so that even when you're not in the middle of an exercise, you're still "on." She felt compelled to stay with her group, she said, rather than do what she really wanted to, which was to go off by herself and maybe review her notes, or even just close her eyes and take a deep breath. I remember last year, also wishing I could just get away for a while and tank up. But I was at Annex 1 and we weren't allowed to leave the building or go anywhere inside it without escort (with the exception of using the facilities, of course). One of the reasons I've been looking forward to testing at Annex 44 is the possibility of going outside. I'll do that, and, if I need to (and I probably will), I'll take some time alone.

She also reminded me of how the assessors will inevitably come up with a question for which you've no prepared answer. That prompted me to dig out my notes from last year, notes I made directly after the OA. There were at least five -- yes, five -- questions for which I had no prepared response. No, actually, there were six. (And I had some 20 stories memorized, believe it or not). What happened? I answered the questions, all six of them, with an agility that surprised me. I wasn't sure they were the best answers, but they were all I had, and I guess the assessors found them okay. I scored well on the SI overall.

Anyway, I went back, found those notes, remembered the stories I'd used and polished them up. I also came up with one or two new ones. I still don't know how good the stories are, but they're mine and they're honest, if humble. There are, of course, questions for which I still don't have any answer at all. I just hope that now with more than 25 prepared stories, the laws of probability will be working in my favor and I'll have few if any unexpected questions.

As for the hypotheticals, I spent some time last week reading the FAM sections on consular work. Excellent information -- too much information, actually -- about how to prepare for a crisis, what to do in the event of one, how to handle arrests, deaths, etc. I don't expect to remember ANY of it during the OA, but I do hope that the logic, the approach that's laid down in the FAM will remain. If one or two details actually come to mind, then believe me, I'll grasp them like a life raft.

I'll be heading down to DC on Tuesday, will follow forum advice to get there two days early so you have time to relax, find and view the test site, etc. I decided not to buy a new suit for the OA, partly because of a lack of funds, but also partly -- and this reveals my superstitious nature -- I don't believe it's good to wear new clothes to something where you're nervous. I'd prefer something that's stood me in good stead in the past, a suit that has "been there" for me. Silly, huh? But there's some pragmatic sense to it, too. People almost always look uncomfortable in their "new" Sunday best. I want to look comfortable. No matter how badly my insides churn, I want to look relaxed and confident. What's that old line? Fake it till you make it?

Which brings me to my last strategy-cum-advice about preparing for the OA: find a way to laugh. I love crime shows, but over the next few days I will stay away from anything that's dark and sad and/or fatalistic. I intend to switch to comedy and read a good many dumb jokes. I want to fight the fear with humor and joy. I intend to feel light and bright and radiate warmth when I go to the OA. I think a laugh cure is a good way to do that.

OK, so back to means and median and modes and range and all that other good stuff.

P.S. Here, by the way, are the websites I'm using to relearn basic math concepts (recommended if you're as math-challenged as I am):

Purple Math.com
Regents Prep.org
Webster.edu
Jumbo Tests.com

P.S.S. About staying away from anything dark: I got a free ticket to see the movie Buried tonight, about an American journalist who finds himself buried alive in Iraq. Talk about being in the dark, literally! However, I'm trusting that the journalist gets out. Therefore, I will see this movie as one of resurrection, of someone bursting into the light! Yes, yes, yes!

P.S.S.S. So I just came back from seeing Buried. Um ... not the best movie for sometime determined to stay light. Miserable, depressing ....

Now, For the Studying, Rehearsing, Preparing

2010-08-07T02:54:00.000-07:00

Today will mark my first participation in a study group in a long time. I'm nervous. Very. I feel less prepared, more green, than I felt when I began last year.

This morning, I took a look at my list of stories for the Structured Interview questions and felt as though they were the autobiographical material of a stranger -- a not very interesting stranger at that.

There was this incredible disconnect. It was really odd, as though part of my brain wasn't functioning.

Maybe it was because it was 5:30 in the morning. I guess I feel disconnected to a lot of things at that time of morning.

OA Date Selected. Angst and Tears

2010-06-28T07:08:00.000-07:00

Last year I took the Oral Assessment late in October. In selecting that date, I thought it would give me extra time to study. But by August I felt ready and I was starting to worry about feeling overprepared. I even thought about writing to State and asking for an earlier date. I knew that my sense of readiness was in part due to the weather. I always feel bright and optimistic and strong in summer. So, I worried about taking the test in fall, when the sky would be gray and my energy correspondingly low. I worried about taking it after business travels. I worried about ... a lot of things.

In the end, everything I worried about came true. And I came away with the feeling that if I had the opportunity to take the OA again, I would do so in summer. I wouldn't give myself time to wear myself out worrying, time to fret, time to swing between being numb with dread or sick with terror.

Determined, compulsive, more committed (or crazy) than even I realized, I started the process all over again. Signed up for the written exam. Actually studied for it. Took it and walked out convinced I'd bombed it. Had the same feeling with the PNQs. Felt sick to my stomach when I hit the send button to submit them back in April. Realized that I was sick of feeling anxious. And once again, I promised myself that if I was blessed to receive another invitation to the OAs, I'd schedule it for sooner rather than later.

When I did receive that invite, my resolve hardened. I looked forward to a test date in July. Late July, of course, since the first date was to be July 21. Registration for the OA would open June 21. I would be one of the first one's at the website to sign up. Yup, that I would.

Then life happened.

My 93-year-old mother got sick and had to be hospitalized. I started spending four hours a day at her bedside. She was sweet and wonderful and incredibly fragile, and I started wondering, "What in the world am I doing? I can't join the Foreign Service; I can't leave her."

Then I got a job that required working overnights. I learned that overnight shifts really do not agree with me and that sleep deprivation can seriously affect one's ability to concentrate -- and remember things.

Then our insurance started acting up. Refusing to pay for this. Or that. Or even that. (I mean, how petty can you be?) Then my insurance dropped both of my children. Decided that I earned too much money. Even though I'm unemployed. How, I asked, is that possible?

So I thought about the 13 Dimensions. Or tried to. I thought, "This should be good fodder for stories," or tried to. But sleep deprivation over an extended period of time can do amazingly bad things to one's ability to focus much less remember things. So I resorted to lists ... And forgot the lists!

Long story short, by the time the morning of June 21st arrived, I'd forgotten all about the OA -- OA scheduling, that is. Did I remember to mention that my daughter had come into town the day before for an out-of-town medical visit and I had to accompany her? So guess where my mind was ...

By the time, I remembered that it was OA Register Day, it was seven that evening. I knew that the dream of a July testing date was over. I could only hope for a late August one.

By the time, I was home and back online, by the time the site actually came up (it took forever), by the time I found that suddenly-asked-for/never-seen before candidate ID, and could log in to register, July was long gone. So was August and most of September. In fact, only September 29th and 30th were left.

I chose the 29th, then hesitated and went for the 30th. Mainly because I like the number 3. And it was closer to the weekend, so I hoped it would be better for finding someone to watch my son.

I pulled the trigger. Closed the website. Stood back. And promptly burst into tears.

My July date was gone. I'd have to go through nearly three months of waiting. I didn't cry after not passing the OA last year. I was exhausted from days of business travel when I got to DC in the first place and starving the day I took the OA, so I think my emotional reserves were just about used up when the assessors gave me the news.

But last Monday, I cried. Cried hard. I think it was the first time I realized how much of a toll the first OA had taken on me. I cried, too, I think, because of everything. I cried because now I had months of worry ahead.

My very sensible daughter listened to me babble, then said, very reasonably, "I like the number three, too, Mama. And I think it's a good date. Furthermore, you have too much on your plate to take the test now. September 30th means you have time to take care of what's going on now, and time to study."

I paused, sniffled, and looked at her, "But I wanted a July date."

She just shook her head.

She was right. Of course, she was. And as the days pass, I've come to believe that God is taking better care of me than I am of myself. Between now and September 1st, I have a long list of matters to attend to:

My mother is now in rehabilitative care. She's decided not to return home, so I have to clear out her apartment, decide what to do with her things. My son is returning from two years abroad; I have to find a school and register him, or prepare to home school him for a year. My daughter has decided to have elective surgery. It would take place in late July, at the same time I wanted to take the OA and two weeks before my son is due home in early August. Meanwhile, I still visit my mom and try to take care of errands for her. Meanwhile, I'm still struggling with our respective insurance companies.

It's harder than ever to focus on studying for the OA, in part because of everything that's going on around me and in part because it seems so far away.

For a while, I thought about dropping out of the OA study group. I decided to do so, at least for the rest of this month. I was worried, too, about being part of a group wherein everyone had a July or August date. It's hard seeing folks disappear while you become the hanger-on. But, by coincidence, many of the folks in my study group are taking the OA in September, too. So I'll be sticking with the group. Practice may not make me perfect, but it'll help. I hope that some of my most glaring weaknesses (of which there are several) will be strengthened. It's a wonderful group, too. Really mutually supportive folks.

Did I mention the upside to all of this? I got to register for Annex 44. It's in a much kinder area than Annex 1. So if the day inside is going badly, I'll be able to leave, get some fresh air, get re-energized. I intend to spend a full day in DC before the test, so I'm really rested. There are restaurants in the area where one can get an early morning breakfast (pre-6:30 a.m.), but I'll pack snacks just in case (grapes, granola bars, etc.)

Thinking about it, I realize that while dreading the OA, I'm also actually looking forward to it. It's a rather fun day in an odd way. You get to spend hours with a bunch of really fantastic people. I know, everyone says that, so you might think it's folderol, but it's not. State has an incredible selection process and comes up with amazing, but unbelievably amazing folks. It's so much fun talking to them and hearing each person's story. And the exercises themselves -- simulating a task force, coming up with solutions to emergency scenarios on the spot -- are fun, too -- or would be if one didn't feel that an entire career is on the line.

Anyway, back to preparations. It's too early to pack for the OA, or even to set up a hotel reservation (I'm hoping for a last minute discount), but it is the perfect time to buy a ticket to get there. So that's what I'm going to do now.

The Foreign Service: Choosing the Right Cone

2010-06-05T13:48:00.000-07:00

Did I mention that when I signed up this time, it was for the consular cone? The last time (first time) I registered, it was for public diplomacy. (Hence, all the PD links at the top of this blog.)

Why the change?

Well, the thing is, I didn't sign up for PD because it was my one-and-only. Oh, I really wanted to work with cultural and educational exchanges -- and still do -- but I was torn because I was already burned out with the journalism part. Confronted with the requirement to choose something, I chose PD simply because it was familiar ... and I thought it made the most sense considering my professional training and background.

In other words, I chose it because of my past.

Months later, as I traveled further and further along the path to actually becoming an FSO -- and a public diplomacy officer -- I became aware of a heaviness of heart, even a sadness. Finally, I admitted to myself that I had made my choice based on calculation, not on intuition -- most importantly, not on what I wanted, or feel called, to do.

While sitting in one of my study groups last summer, listening to people talk about their chosen cone and their life experiences, I realized that I wasn't being true to myself. What I wanted, what I had wanted all along, was to do consular work -- to help American families living overseas.

Now, by this time, I was well aware of a, shall we say, attitude among some, who look down on consular work. The real foreign policy work, some feel, is done by managers, economics officers, and public diplomacy officers. Who would want a career stamping passports, listening to sob stories, getting Americans out of trouble that they "no business getting themselves into?"

I would.

Why? It seemed like one of the most grinding, thankless jobs a person could ask for. But there it was: my dream job.

Again, why?

Well, the 15 years I spent overseas certainly had a lot to do with it.

I know what it's like to try to find doctors and lawyers, dentists and pediatricians overseas. I know what it's like to go to a U.S. Consulate and need help. I know the relief of being welcomed by someone who is knowledgeable and helpful and patient and kind -- and the frustration of being confronted by the opposite.

And I know I can be effective in the job.

At my last OA, when the gentleman first told me that I hadn't received the needed score for my candidacy to continue, I actually felt a sense of relief. It was faint, but it was there. I had felt uneasy about my application to be a public diplomacy officer. Oh, I'm sure I'd do an excellent job of it -- (indeed, I have a history of excelling at jobs I'm uneasy with, a point of determination, I suppose) -- but it wasn't where my heart was. So while I was disappointed, I wasn't heartbroken. I had to wonder whether my reluctance vis-a-vis PD work had affected my performance that day.

Everything's different now. I want to do consular work. One of my favorite blogs is Muttering Behind the Hard Line. It's honest and refreshing and it's by someone who actually loves this most trying job. Unfortunately, the author writes that he's signing off, hopefully not forever, as he moves on to other enterprises. In the meantime, he leaves behind a marvelous blog, one that's funny, informative and touching.

This time, when I go to DC for the Oral Assessment, it will be with a whole heart. Of all the things I would hope to do differently, the greatest change has already occurred. I'm very happy with my chosen cone.

(Reviewing this entry, it occurs to me that maybe I should back up and explain what I'm referring to by cones. "Cones" is just another word for career track in the Foreign Service. There are five: management, economic, political, public diplomacy and consular.* Each has very specific duties, and every applicant to the Foreign Service must choose a track when first registering for the FSOT. The Foreign Service helps you with this choice by providing an online personality exam. Based upon your answers to questions about your preferences, the website will produce a tailored chart, showing which track you might find most enjoyable and/or appropriate. That being said, last time I checked, there was also guidance about the competitiveness of each given track. For more information, check the Foreign Service website. You can also find a great informal guide at the Hegemonist.)

*Corrected as per Ado's kind remember.

Yay! I Got My OA Invite Today!

2010-06-01T13:42:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess the title says it all, doesn't it? I'm so thrilled. I actually saw an email invitation to join a local study group before I downloaded the letter from the ACT website. I tried to take it as a good sign! Here's how the letter begins ...

Congratulations! Based on a comprehensive review of your candidate file, you have been selected to participate in the next step of the Foreign Service Officer selection process, the Oral Assessment.

Yippee, I am one happy camper! On June 21, I'll be one of those folks at the ACT website, trying to sign on for a July date. I've already figured out which range of days I'll be aiming for.

It feels great to be back in the game again. Swell ...

Waiting ...

2010-05-31T12:03:00.000-07:00

Spent half the day reading recaps and tips on the Yahoo FSOA Forum. Initially went to FSWE Forum to see if anyone had received response to QEP/PNQs. Found link to a schedule indicating that answers (i.e. invites to the OA) will probably go out in mid-June.

In two weeks.

I'm getting nervous. I tell myself not to be. But ... it doesn't help. I passed the FSOT, but wonder if I passed it well enough to qualify for an OA invite.

I guess I'll find out soon enough.

In the meantime, I'm finding it harder and harder not to think about last year's OA and what I could've done better -- and where I could be stronger.

Hence, the re-reading of recaps and Traveler's tips.

Also, indulged in reading blogs of the newly sworn in, including a blog by someone who was in my study group. Seeing her blog and her photos gives me hope. She's just a regular person, like me. Shy, introverted. Smart as a whip, gentle and kind and not pushy or aggressive. Someone who could, without being pushy or aggressive, assert herself during the OAs.

Nice.

I spend some time rearranging the elements on this blog page, changing the colors, an wondering, "Is this a waste of time?" What if I don't garner an invite to the OAs? What then? I glance at the Countdown widget, which now reads 89 days since I took the FSOT. I change the title to, "Long Road to Becoming an FSO." Suppose this "long road leads to nowhere?"

But suppose it doesn't?

Well, I know that if I don't get an invitation this time around, then I'll try again. I'll swallow my disappointment and re-register as soon as the system allows me to. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. And I won't think about last year and everything I did wrong. I'll think about next time and what I can do right.

No, I don't want to go down as one of those legendary candidates who tried five, six, seven times. But I don't want to give up. I've never been one for giving up.

PNQs: Personal Narrative Essays

2010-04-10T15:59:00.000-07:00

Submitted my Personal Narrative Essays today. Put it off as long as possible, then got worried that the site might crash on the deadline day. Reviewed them, but couldn't think of better answers than the ones already prepared.

Need to notify folks that State might be calling them for verification. Don't want to notify anyone. Have told only one person that I took the Written. Told him that I failed. Have not even let him know that I passed. Am hesitant to even write about it here. Might just "unpublish" the announcement, actually. Being superstitious, I guess.

Should I notify them? That would seem to be the most adult thing to do.

But then everyone would know again. Everyone would ask, What happened?

Suppose I don't even get an invite to the OA?

Invitations are sent out based on your cumulative score: the written plus your PNQs.

Have heard of people who were invited to OAs before but then fail and successfully retake the written, who then receive an invitation to submit PNQs, but then don't receive invitation to OA again.

Is this fear talking? Pure, irrational fear?

Yes.

Am I listening to it?

Hmmm ...

Oh, well. I'm still very happy and thrilled to have passed again. I'm grateful at every stage of the process. Just plain old grateful.

Foreign Service Written Exam: The Results

2010-03-25T15:56:00.000-07:00

Dare I write this? I actually passed the Foreign Service Written Exam. Again. Can't believe it. Am stunned. Words can't describe and so on and so on.

Am told I am to submit my Personal Narrative Essays by April 13, 2010. Refuse to think about it. Submission of PNQs means running another risk of rejection. Will do it, of course. But simply want to savor this unexpected victory!

Back at the Starting Gate: The Foreign Service Written Exam

2010-03-03T15:06:00.000-08:00

Took the Foreign Service Written Exam this morning. Feel that I did not pass. The thing is, I actually studied for it this time.

(Last year, I did a little crash studying in geography and American history. Otherwise, did nothing. And when I took the test, I was worried 'cause I found it too easy. I was sure I'd missed something.)

I studied hard. Bought some apps on the iTunes store for U.S. and European history and studied like my life depended on it. Sat down to the test this morning and felt like I didn't know a darn thing. Question after question I left blank, promising myself I'd go back to it, hoping that by the time I did, my mind would've woken up and the "right" answer would present itself.

And that essay! Oh, my stars! Talk about a bunch of discombobulated logic! I really embarrassed myself.

I'm very disappointed in myself. That, actually, is an understatement.

What made the difference? Why was taking last year's test so easy?

Two things: First, I had no idea what I was getting into. I expected to fail. I took the test because I had always wanted to sit for the Foreign Service. However, I had no hope of actually passing. You could've knocked me over with a feather when I found out that I did. Having gotten so close to a dream I never had a hope of realizing, this year's test meant a lot to me. Maybe, too much.

But that still wasn't the main difference.

The main thing that made the difference was the fact that I stopped reading the newspaper. When I took the test last year, I was addicted--addicted to the New York Times, that is. I would spend three, four hours a day reading it online. I couldn't get enough of it. I read it because the stories were fascinating and because it was a way out of a life that was otherwise wanting in stimulation. Then I decided that I had gotten way too dependent on the paper. I needed to stop, face up to my own life, and stop I did. In retrospect, I see that that was a mistake. I've started reading the paper again. Oh, not every day, and not three hours at a time. But I do read it again, and feel as though I'm coming home.

I guess I'll be finishing this post with the same question posed in the last one. Will I take the test again? Probably. I was and am upset by my performance today, so I want to rectify it. But I also enjoy the test. Call me a nerd if you want to. I don't care. The test is fun--especially if you just don't care--or don't let yourself care too much.

D-Day +1: The Oral Assessment

2009-10-21T14:04:00.000-07:00

Short and Sweet: I scored a 5.00 on the Foreign Service Oral Assessment.

Long and ... frustrated: I missed the cut-off by a quarter of a point! Groan. Specifically, I did not pass the Group Exercise or the Case Management. I did pass the Structured Interview. I knew I'd done badly on the GE and CM and felt I did OK on the SI. The fact that I came so close, however, despite my abysmal performance on the GE and CM, leads me to suspect that I not only did OK, but extremely well on the SI.

What Went Wrong & Lessons Learned:

I arrived in DC on the day before the Orals. I arrived in time to relax and study further. However, I was coming right off a four-day business conference, which had sapped a great deal of my strength. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that.

What Went Wrong Number 1: I signed into a wonderful hotel, in terms of accommodation. However, it did not serve breakfast at the time at which I had to get up and sign out, i.e. 7 a.m.

What Went Wrong Number 2: I didn't at least make coffee in my hotel room or buy snacks the night before. Why did I have to get up so early and sign out? Because I wanted to get to the Orals on time.

What Went Wrong Number 3: This should actually be Number 1: I chose to take the Orals in Annex 1. For me, a bad decision. As my taxi wound its way through DC, it was still dark outside. I hoped to find someplace to grab a coffee or snack. Those hopes dimmed once I reached the Annex. It's tucked away inside a complex. There were no eateries to be seen. Later I would learn that there is a restaurant, but it's inside the building and one must be accompanied to enter it.

RESULT: I took the GE and CM exercises on an empty stomach. I started off the GE quite well, actually. Then I felt my blood pressure drop and with it my ability to focus or think clearly. I was in an especially assertive group and they debated hotly. They were sharp and smart. I just couldn't keep up.

What Went Wrong Number 4: I received the weakest of the projects. I want to emphasize that, in and of itself, this is not something that "went wrong." What went wrong is that I did a poor job of defending a poor project. It's easy to defend a strong project; a poor one requires a bit of finesse. OK, more than a bit. I should have taken the initiative, defended it assertively and then taken the initiative to withdraw it. I mean, it was a worthy project in and of itself, but it did not supersede the others in priority. Once I saw that, I should have made the case for it, but then withdrawn it. Instead, I let it quietly die.

COMMENT: There are six projects. Usually, one is very strong; one is noticeably weak. The others are middling and sometimes overlap one another. The group quickly recognizes the strong project and gives it full funding. The test, as it were, then becomes the debate over which of the middling projects to choose for partial funding. That's where you can quickly lose track of time, something for which the entire group might suffer, since everyone is responsible for being aware of time and staying on track. Yes, there's a "timekeeper," but everyone is still held accountable for an awareness of the time. So that's where the criterium can really provide guidance and help toward a consensus.

What Went Wrong Number 5: I did not chose a criteria or criterium and stick with it. Having a set of criterium in mind gives you something to fall back on if you can't think of a question about a project or you need a way to measure them one against the other. One of the other participants, for example, asked each person whether the projected he or she represented was sustainable. In other words, would the project be able to sustain itself or require continued U.S. funding? No matter what the project, this woman asked the same question of every single one. It was clear that this was the measuring stick she was using. I believe she passed the Group Exercise with flying colors.

What are other good criterium? Examples would be:

What/how many U.S. objectives does the project meet?
How modular is the project? Can it be funded in part and still be effective?
How much of the population does it benefit?
Does the project replicate other projects already under way?
Does any part of it contravene U.S. policies (such as funding abortions) or those of the host government?

The U.S. objectives criteria is one of the easiest and most readily measurable ones. All you have to do is count the objectives and no one can argue against it.

Modularity is one that you have to pay attention to also. It's the one you go for when it's clear that your project will not get full funding. It's your save, in other words.

Redundancy is the one you go for when you're basically trying to explore the weakness in someone else's project. (But be aware of it in your own project, too, and have a response when someone addresses you about it.) If a project contains redundant elements, then it behooves you to find that out. You can then argue that the money would then be better spent on a project that is unique (i.e., such as the one you represent).

Summary:

Most of the comments, as you've no doubt observed, concerned the GE. Why? Perhaps, because that's where I had the most regrets. I never had confidence in my ability to successfully tackle the CM. That was no doubt a mistake, but my strategy was simple: Be good in at least two of the three exercises. I started off strong in the GE, but lost my oomph. I mean I can actually remember the moment when the air went out of my sails. Then the CM followed. Two of my weakest areas, taken first thing in the morning, with nothing on my stomach, low blood pressure: results predictable.

It's no coincidence that I did my best after lunch. The SI was no picnic, and like everyone else I've read on the Yahoo Forums board, I faced tough questions for which I had no prepared answers. Yet I managed to do well. I even managed to make my assessors smile.

Which brings me to another point.

The Assessors.

I don't know if they're kind people are not. I do believe, however, that they are rooting for you. They want you to do well. Mine were strict (or at least strict-looking), but every now and then something I said touched them and they showed it. What's terrifying about the OAs is not the assessors themselves, but an incredible awareness of one's own perceived inadequacies.

What Else?

Miscellaneous points: Back to the GE. I really felt as though I were at the races. As soon as the assessor said "start," it was as though the gates opened and the horses raced onto the field. That speed never let up. Not till the end.

Everyone came with a strong game plan. I quickly realized that I was in a group that had studied the Yahoo board and were über-prepared.

We had someone who said she would serve as timekeeper. Obviously another fellow had wanted to volunteer for that position, but she spoke up before him. So you know what he did? He took out his watch and watched the time, anyway. He spoke up during the debate before she did, when it came to reminding the group that we were down to ten minutes, then five. Did that unsettle her? Don't know. If it did, she didn't show it.

They both grabbed for the blank sheet upon which the memo was to be written, too. He got it first, but graciously slid it over to her. Did they both pass the GE? Yes, they did. Do I recommend that others do as they did? I recommend that you be active, speak up and stay on your toes. That means something different for everyone. I recommend mainly that you eat a high protein breakfast.

FINAL RESULT: No one in my group passed the Orals.

Question: Will I try for it again?

First reaction: Yes, I want to go back and fetch my quarter of a point. Seems silly. But it also seems silly not to try again when I came so close. But will I?

Second reaction: I don't know. I really don't. But within hours of getting my score, I actually went online and registered to take the Written Exam again.

Fact: At the moment, I am mentally and physically exhausted. I don't feel hurt or rejected or bitter. I still feel awed that I even got that far. If I feel any negative emotion at all, it's annoyance or irritation with myself. An inner critic screams that someone who couldn't even manage to organize breakfast for herself on the day of such a major exam ... well, you get the drift.

That's it. I hope this helps someone out there who is about to face the Orals. Best of luck for sure!

P.S. I want to thank everyone for sending me positive thoughts and prayers, and especially Digger over at Life After Jerusalem. Digger gave excellent advice. For all about to take the OA, listen to it!

10 BOA: Obama & the Nobel Peace Prize! Wow!

2009-10-09T04:28:00.000-07:00

Imagine serving under a president who has won the Nobel Peace Prize! Wow! That would be so cool! I'm so happy he won. I hope this gives a real boost to diplomacy efforts for peace. It will certainly engender more hope and -- I hope -- make the job of FSOs toiling abroad a lot easier. To me, one of hardest parts of life overseas is not necessarily the possible physical discomforts, which can be severe, but the suspicion with which your efforts are met -- simply because you are American. Our FSOs make so many sacrifices and yet those sacrifices sometimes go unappreciated, because they are working in a world in which the actions of the United States are often misunderstood and viewed with suspicion. I hope that with this Nobel Peace Prize, U.S. peace efforts and the men and women who spend their days working for it, will have an easier time of it.

43 BOA: Admittedly Feeling Down

2009-09-06T07:49:00.000-07:00

No one ever admits this publicly, it seems. But I might as well use this blog to report my changing levels of confidence.

About midway through summer, I began to feel very confident about passing the Oral Assessment. Don't ask why. I wasn't even sure myself. I wasn't doing all that well in the practice groups. I came away after each one very much aware of my weaknesses and I was developing a sense of dread toward not only the Structured Interview, but the Case Management exercise. This, of course, followed a period of intense worry over the Group Exercise. So why this sudden burst of confidence? Had I simply worn myself down to the point where I couldn't worry anymore, where I was numb and in the midst of my numbness suffered a rush of wishful thinking?

I don't know, but I'm here to say that the "rush" is well over. I'm at the opposite end of the track now, not terrified but ... concerned. Yes, concerned. That would be a polite way of describing it.

I put aside active studying for the last month. Too much family business -- kids flying in an out, moving one kid to college, dates due at work. I decided to renew my studying, basically setting aside the same block of time every day, starting next Monday. At that point, the household will have settled down. At that point, I will be close enough to the OA to feel that it's okay to focus on it, to give it priority over other obligations.

In the meantime, one of my study group members has passed the OA and one did not. Both were very generous in sharing their experiences, careful to stay within NDA guidelines. The funny thing is, neither felt very confident of their performance during the test. So what does that say about self-assessment?

In other news, I've recruited a friend, also in my age group, to embark on this Foreign Service Journey. She'll be taking the written exam next month. I just sent her a list of helpful websites and some suggestions for studying. I do hope she passes the exam; she'd make a wonderful FSO. One thing she did do that was quite wise: she chose the Consular track. Not only does it coincide with her professional expertise and inspirations, but the hiring is much faster in that track.

So yes, as my date in DC approaches, I'm feeling rather low about my chances for passing. Oddly enough, however, whenever I close my eyes and envision that day, I still picture myself in a room with other people, being given good news. I see smiles and hand-shaking. I guess I'm just a stubborn old optimist. Even as one part of my conscious generates fear, another part insists that I'll make it through. How's that for internal conflict?

70 BOA: Slowing Down, Gearing Up

2009-08-10T13:26:00.000-07:00

I have the feeling that I'm slowing down in my preparations for the OA. I haven't attended a study group session in, what? some three weeks, not since the hypotheticals party. I intended to start up again this week, but a friend I see once a year is visiting town.

Meanwhile, although I have the feeling that I'm doing less, when I think about it, I realize that I'm not. I've been reading Bush Hat, Black Tie, (see above), the memoirs of a Public Diplomacy Officer who worked in the 1950s-1960s, in Nigeria and France, among other places.

I also spent a good part of Friday with a friend, working on anecdotes for the Behavioral section of the Structured Interview. And I finally printed out all the documents I've compiled for study -- including the now infamous Case Management exercise. I say infamous because of late, survivors of the OA have said on the Yahoo Forum that the study files there are much, much less complicated than the actual test files. If that's true, then I'm in trouble. The CM is also the only exercise where you have an "opportunity" to demonstrate your skills (or lack thereof) with quantitative analysis. Quantitative what? I think I'm becoming more worried about it, than I was about the hypotheticals, the behaviorals, and the group exercise all rolled together -- and that's saying something.

Sometimes I feel as though I'm in totally over my head. It's not that I don't think I could do the job -- I do. It's more than I wonder whether, or how well, I'll be able to demonstrate that fact. But I guess that's what everyone wonders, don't they?

With the anecdotes, for example, I had such trouble coming up with specific examples. I told my friend, "It's like trying to remember the last time I put salt on my food. Helping out or running here and there to assist people, or my kids, it's just a normal part of my existence -- as it is any mother's -- that it's hard to think of a specific instance that would stand out."

At some point, I do begin to wonder whether ignorance isn't bliss. It's easy to become terrified, easy to focus on all one's weaknesses instead of strengths, easy to act as though -- well, as though you were a young college freshman again, easily falling into the trap of losing perspective -- something you should have well gained when you reach my age.

I finally registered a hotel room for the OA, by the way. Amazing how just that little act makes it even more real -- as though it weren't real already.

I've been reading Career Diplomacy, as is highly recommended by just about everyone, from the DIR who ran our OA Prep at SIPA, to those who've passed the OA. However ... I have to say that I find myself shying away from it, in part, I think because it breaks my heart. I'm not sure why. I don't really want to read about pay raises and promotions, etc. The information is only useful if I pass the OA; until then, it's simply a painful tease. Maybe not the best way of looking at it, but apparently that's how I feel.

Kitten here has suddenly decided to curl up next to me and act all lovey-dovey. She wants to be fed. She pours it on when she's hungry. Otherwise, I don't see or hear her. I need to get up, anyway. Have to get ready to go out for dinner.

77 BOA: More Results ...

2009-08-03T06:36:00.000-07:00

More results from my study group: One got a 5.1. One got a 5.6. ("Passing" requires a 5.25.) No formal recaps from either one, but they have either shared impressions (in one case, great moments of humor) and/or are willing to privately share their experiences.

84 BOA: A Trip Down Memory Lane, Sleep, Miscellany

2009-07-27T05:12:00.000-07:00

The folks in my study group are slowly, trickling down to DC for their Oral Assessments and I'm beginning to wish I'd schedded mine for next month instead of October. I feel prepared now. I feel prepped now. And I'm beginning to want to "get it over with," while I still feel positive and energized.

However, on close examination, I realize that there's still a lot of preparations I want to make: work on the Case Management exercise, for example. And study the projects so I get used to reading and understanding them for the Group Exercise. Digger, the FSO behind Life After Jerusalem, kindly left a comment the other day, urging me to focus on the numbers involved in the projects. He's correct. The numbers -- understanding them, explaining them -- are the hardest part of the GE exercise for me. I also have to think more about my anecdotes, and of course, write my Statement of Interest.

I have begun work on my security clearance form -- the one you hand in when you show up for your orals. Whether or not it comes into play depends, of course, on whether you actually pass them. I was nervous when I began filling out the form, afraid I would make a mistake, but after a time I began to enjoy it. It was a walk down Memory Lane. Wow! The people I've known; the places I've been; the jobs I've had! It was interesting seeing it all slowly accumulate as I remembered this and that, that and this. Even after I paused work on the form, my mind continued to consider it, remembering bits and pieces.

You may have picked up that I'm feeling more hopeful now. I keep hearing that the Oral Assessments are essentially a personality test. One woman reported on the Yahoo FSOA Group that she actually passed the OA, despite having failed the Group Exercises and Case Management sections. She was strongly prepared for her Structured Interview and passed it. She must have done more than pass it, obviously. She must have aced it.

I intend to pass everything, but I feel better knowing that all would not be lost, even if I failed two out of the three sections.

What's the best strategy? To play to one's strengths? Or be generally good at everything? Up until now, I thought the second would be the best. However, now I worry about being a jack-of-all trades, master-of-none, at least as far as the OAs are concerned. At the same time, it doesn't make ake much sense to place all of your eggs in one basket. It does make sense to have a well-rounded preparation that enables you to pick up points in your weaker areas, while you shine in your one area of "expertise," or at least feel most confident.

Enough strategizing. As you see, thoughts about the OA are "taking over." I don't feel nervous, though. I really don't. I wonder if I've proceeded to the next step mentally, where I'm feeling numb. One guy on the Yahoo board said he was so emotionally exhausted by the time he got to his OA, he was so convinced that he was going to fail, that he completely relaxed -- and passed.

We'll see. Each of us is constructed somewhat differently. But I totally understand what this guy was talking about. And I can see something like that happening to me. I've already reached the point where I tell myself that no matter what the outcome, I feel honored and blessed to be included in such a wonderful group of candidates and that the OA is an experience that few get to undergo. Some would say, "Lucky them." I would say, "Lucky me."

Like a lot of people, I've thought all my life about joining the Foreign Service. What stopped me? A fear of failure. An absolute certainty that I'd never pass the Foreign Service Oficer Test. And then, later, practicality stopped me. I was overseas and nowhere near a testing center. Now, there sees to be a conjoining of circumstances that not only enables but supports my application. I have no professional commitments. My children are nearly grown and certainly ready for adventure. I'm single, so I don't have to worry about affecting a husband's career.

If I don't pass the OAs, then what? I'll get on with my life -- and still be happy that I took part in the experience.

Anything can happen the day of the Orals to affect your performance. Several people have said they lucked up by being with a wonderful group of people for their Group Exercise. They had no difficult or combative personalities in the group. Everyone wanted to work together and did. Another guy said he failed because of nerves. He was so wound up, so worried about failing, that he couldn't sleep the night before. He woke up exhausted, physically as well as mentally.

Now, I'm sure I'll sleep well the night before. Don't ask me why, but I'm sure I will. Other people are worried about oversleeping. They start practicing going to sleep early and waking up at 5 a.m. several days before the OA, so that they can used to a new rhythm. The thing is, I already fall asleep fairly early and between kids and cats, I've been waking up and getting up between 5:30 a.. and 6 a.m. for nearly twenty years. So I'm not too worried about it. However, there's no need to be overly confident, so I'm planning on lots of having a couple of alarm clocks around!

If only getting sleep/waking up were my main issue!

87 BOA: Strategy

2009-07-24T09:45:00.000-07:00

After listening to me describe the OAs, a friend said the structure reminded her of the bar exam.

"And what did you do to prepare for that?" I asked.

"Practiced the timed writing sections over and over," she said. "Just keep practicing, until it's second-nature, and time yourself. You'll get it. Don't worry."

So that's Part I of my strategy: practice the Case Management exercises until they no longer bother me. For that I don't need a group. I just need sample CMs.

Part II: Read books written by former State Department people. That'll lend a sense of how they think, speak, and write. It's important to know the culture of the group you want to join. See if it's a good fit, for you as well as for them.

Part III: Revisit my answers to the Personal Narrative Questions. These are anecdotes that demonstrate the 13 Dimensions. Learn those answers. Think of other appropriate ones.

Part IV: Memorize the OA Summary written by the State Department. Why? It tells you exactly what to do at every step of the way. I keep hearing this over and over again. They want to see if you can follow instructions. So many people have trouble because they simply fail to follow instructions.

Part V: Study the speeches and responses of President Obama and Secretary of State Clinton. They clearly enunciate U.S. foreign policy goals in ways that are elegant, accurate. Excellent fodder for any questions thrown at me about why I want to join the Foreign Service.

On my To-Do List: Fill out the various forms one is required to bring with to an OA, including the Statement of Interest, which is an essay explaining why one wants to join the Foreign Service.

Hmmm ... I'd better get cracking. Only 87 days 11 hours 3 minutes and 42 seconds to go! (I'm just kidding. Sort of.)

87 BOA: Debriefing: Nerves

2009-07-24T09:37:00.000-07:00

Talked to someone who passed the OA. Good conversation. Reassuring in a way. Very interesting. Reinforces my opinion that one's nerves are one's worst enemy. The folks at State already think you can do the job, or else they would not have invited you to come down. They simply need one last confirmation -- a demonstration through simulations that you can do it. Nerves will prevent you from doing that. Nerves.

Attending a Hypotheticals Party tonight. We're gathering at the home of a friend to practice hypos in a relaxed atmosphere. Should be fun. Am looking forward to it.

Calling a Spade a Spade: "These Faces and These Places Are Getting Old" - Daughtry

2009-07-21T11:54:00.000-07:00

Calling a Spade a Spade: "These Faces and These Places Are Getting Old" - Daughtry

Found This Bauble On the Web

2009-07-21T11:08:00.000-07:00

In my attempt to mentally prepare for the Oral Assessment, I've taken to trolling the web for personal descriptions of the experience. Usually, I don't have much luck. Some of the best debriefings are in the files of Yahoo FSOA Group. This afternoon, I was looking for something else and came across an excellent debriefing on a blog. I'm listing it here, both for any other seekers who might come along, and for myself for future reference:

http://whittawacker.blogspot.com/2007/05/detailed-account-of-foreign-service.html

If you look under May 2007, you'll see that this blogger has also generously supplied a copy of his Statement of Interest.

I've yet to begin writing mine. Will be interesting to see what I come up with.

90 BOA: Wonderful News!

2009-07-21T06:45:00.000-07:00

Just got the news: a member of my study group passed his Orals yesterday. Doesn't surprise me. This guy was a forceful candidate. Very impressive.

My thoughts were with him and I even woke up this morning, wondering how soon he'd share the news with us.

In a wonderful note, he thanked his study-mates for giving him both practice and moral support. Yay! Go, team, go!

Anyway, time for me to go and do my hypothetical of the day. Also have to check in with my "coach"

92 BOA: My Turn to Be Silly

2009-07-19T05:41:00.000-07:00

Remember how I ranted about people getting caught up in the silly superficials? Well, yesterday at my study group meeting, I found myself saying, "I've been wondering whether to wear a skirt suit or a pants suit." We were three women and one man. Naturally, it was the guy who answered. "I'd say skirt suit." I looked down at his legs. I couldn't help myself! He was wearing long khaki shorts. His legs looked strong, healthy (a bit hairy, but that's okay). "Good idea," I said. "Suits you." I couldn't help myself! He was great about it.

I have got some of the best study partners on the planet. When I walk out of a practice session with them, I feel both humbled and enervated. I'm aware of my weaknesses, but also somehow strengthened and emboldened. I can do this, I tell myself. Each one of these people can do this. I think it's just the fact that I can be counted among such a group of talented and giving people. That's already enough to blow me away.

I'd be happy and proud to serve along with any one of them, and I wish them each the best, the very best.

95 BOA: Study Group Tonight: Group Exercises

2009-07-16T08:05:00.001-07:00

I'll be meeting tonight with my study group. Group Exercises are on tap. I have lots of work to do to improve my skill set in that area. The group exercise is an integral part of the Oral Assessment. Here's the description from the State Department summary:

Preparations

For the first exercise of the day, candidates are brought together in a group of three to six to
comprise an Embassy task force charged with allocating resources to competing projects in
their host country. Each candidate receives a package of common background materials, as
well as a five-page candidate specific project to read and absorb (30 minutes). At the end of
that time, each candidate will present his or her project to the group. Candidates may take
notes at any time.

Common Materials
• General instructions
• Memorandum from a senior US Embassy official in one of various mythical
countries appointing the candidate to a task force to consider proposals for use of scarce resources
• Country Background Notes
• The U.S. Country Plan and Objectives
• Lists of key U.S. Embassy and host government officials
• A map of the country
Project Specific Information
• Five pages describing the candidate's individual project

The Presentation Phase
When the 30-minute preparation time is over, four assessors join the group and take seats in the corners of the room. At this point in the assessment, the assessors know nothing about the candidates. The assessors do not participate; they only observe the group exercise. Candidates are briefed on the ground rules and are invited to begin their individual project presentations in any order they choose; however, they are cautioned that projects are not to be compared or evaluated in the presentation phase. Each candidate has six minutes to present his or her project to the others, covering all relevant facets of the project, including both negative and positive points, U.S. interests, and required resources. Time may be left at the end of each
presentation for questions from other candidates.

The Discussion Phase
After the last presentation has been made, the lead examiner informs the group that it is now entering the discussion phase of the exercise, the stage in which the candidates must reach a consensus on project selection and allocation of their limited resources.

In this phase, candidates discuss and debate the merits and/or drawbacks of the various projects in order to make recommendations to the Ambassador. Toward that end, the group negotiates and debates pros and cons with the goal of reaching, within the time allotted (20-25 minutes - depending on group size), a consensus on which projects should be supported and at what level.

The group exercise measures oral communication, objectivity and integrity, ability to work with others, information integration and analysis, planning, judgment, initiative, leadership, and composure. Strong candidates are those who keep in mind the objective of the exercise: to help the Ambassador decide how best to allocate limited U.S. Government resources among a number of worthy projects. They have the ability to integrate information not just about their own projects but also about projects presented by their colleagues. They may suggest original ideas and solutions. A good leader can draw out others and help move the group to consensus.

Active participation is essential to successful performance. Examiners cannot judge qualities they cannot see. Even if a candidate presents a clear project, lack of involvement in the discussion phase can make the difference when the scores are determined.

Got a great study group. They're very helpful. To anyone who sets out on this path, a bit of advice: Find some great folks who are motivated, disciplined, and generous. Makes all the difference.

Talked to a friend last night about signing up for State. She didn't realize that they were hiring. She sounded fascinated, said she'd always wanted to do this, but when I described the lengthy hiring process, she was daunted. Can understand that. The hiring process is daunting. Heck, it can be downright terrifying. But if you want something bad enough, then fear shouldn't stop you. It shouldn't, but ... yeah, I know, it sometimes does.

People Worry About the Darndest Things

2009-07-15T13:15:00.000-07:00

I've just checked my FSOA Yahoo Group daily digest. It hit me how people (including me) waste time and energy worrying about the silliest things when it comes to the Oral Assessment. Two current examples would be:

(a) whether the men should or should not wear wing-tipped shoes for the Oral Assessment; and

(b) whether you have a better chance of passing if you schedule your assessment earlier in the testing cycle.

The logical, rational answer to both questions is a resounding no. But that answer doesn't address the main reason such questions are posed to begin with.

It's easiest to distract oneself with silliness than to get down to the business of practicing, isn't it? The group exercises, the structured interview questions (which include hypotheticals and behavioral questions), and the case management exercise can all seem quite daunting -- not unless you're one of those blessed souls who already has a job requiring constant presentations, memo writing and personnel management. I think all of us who have come this far, or at least most of us, are perfectly capable of performing the requisite skills under normal circumstances. The thing is, the OA isn't a normal circumstance. An entire career is riding on it. The very thought is enough to freeze most people. Far easier to worry about wing-tips!

A friend of mine looked over the OA Summary I sent him. Told me, "Hm, you and I both have the skills and experience to pass this thing. The difference is personality. You're terrified and I'd think of it as an interesting, fun way to pass the day."

He's right. That is the difference. There's also the fact that he's got a job he loves and so taking the OA would, for him, simply be a day of entertainment. I was tempted to ask him if he'd feel that way if he didn't have a job he loved, or indeed a job at all (as I don't). I'm not sure if he answered me. But as I look back on it, I realize it doesn't matter. The wisdom of his statement still holds true. Yes, having a job in your back pocket would make it easier to remain detached. But not having one -- and really not only wanting, but needing this one -- is all the more reason to achieve a level of detachment.

I'm determined to go in there and simply look at it as an interesting and enjoyable way to spend the day. It's certainly a unique experience, one that I never expected to have. No matter what happens, I want to be able to look back and say I enjoyed myself. I want to savor every moment. And I will.

Books I Have Yet to Read

2009-07-15T12:32:00.000-07:00

This post should go under the heading, "Preparing or the Oral Assessment." I'm reading Diplomatic Lessons right now, in hard copy. I have Career Diplomacy on my iPod Touch. A softcover copy of Inside a U.S. Embassy is also floating around here somewhere.

By October 2oth -- 96 days from now -- I will have read them all. Still think the most important thing though is know yourself, to be prepared for the questions. That kind of preparation is a lot harder -- and easier -- than immersing yourself in books.

96 BOA: Countdown to the Oral Assessment

2009-07-15T09:28:00.000-07:00

And so it begins. Actually, it continues. On October 20, 2009, I'm due to walk into a State Department assessment center in Washington DC. I'll join up to a dozen hopefuls for a day of fun and games that State refers to as the Oral Assessment. By now, the very name calls up dread in the hearts of aspirants. Not all of them, of course, just the jelly-kneed ones, like me.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I thought I'd start a blog that would, I hope, detail my new career as a Foreign Service Officer. However, since I've yet to take the Oral Assessment, I have no idea whether it will actually do that. At minimum, this blog might serve as an online diary of someone who is preparing to take the Oral Assessment.

I've looked around and found several excellent blogs by people who have taken or are taking the same path, and I've found them quite helpful. Maybe this blog will help others.

But my motives are not entirely altruistic. The fact is, I'm terribly nervous. And terribly disorganized. I need a place where I can share my doubts. I need someplace where I can also keep track of all the wonderful blogs and bits that have served me so well.

("BOA" by the way, stands for "Before Oral Assessment.")