43 BOA: Admittedly Feeling Down
No one ever admits this publicly, it seems. But I might as well use this blog to report my changing levels of confidence.
About midway through summer, I began to feel very confident about passing the Oral Assessment. Don't ask why. I wasn't even sure myself. I wasn't doing all that well in the practice groups. I came away after each one very much aware of my weaknesses and I was developing a sense of dread toward not only the Structured Interview, but the Case Management exercise. This, of course, followed a period of intense worry over the Group Exercise. So why this sudden burst of confidence? Had I simply worn myself down to the point where I couldn't worry anymore, where I was numb and in the midst of my numbness suffered a rush of wishful thinking?
I don't know, but I'm here to say that the "rush" is well over. I'm at the opposite end of the track now, not terrified but ... concerned. Yes, concerned. That would be a polite way of describing it.
I put aside active studying for the last month. Too much family business -- kids flying in an out, moving one kid to college, dates due at work. I decided to renew my studying, basically setting aside the same block of time every day, starting next Monday. At that point, the household will have settled down. At that point, I will be close enough to the OA to feel that it's okay to focus on it, to give it priority over other obligations.
In the meantime, one of my study group members has passed the OA and one did not. Both were very generous in sharing their experiences, careful to stay within NDA guidelines. The funny thing is, neither felt very confident of their performance during the test. So what does that say about self-assessment?
In other news, I've recruited a friend, also in my age group, to embark on this Foreign Service Journey. She'll be taking the written exam next month. I just sent her a list of helpful websites and some suggestions for studying. I do hope she passes the exam; she'd make a wonderful FSO. One thing she did do that was quite wise: she chose the Consular track. Not only does it coincide with her professional expertise and inspirations, but the hiring is much faster in that track.
So yes, as my date in DC approaches, I'm feeling rather low about my chances for passing. Oddly enough, however, whenever I close my eyes and envision that day, I still picture myself in a room with other people, being given good news. I see smiles and hand-shaking. I guess I'm just a stubborn old optimist. Even as one part of my conscious generates fear, another part insists that I'll make it through. How's that for internal conflict?
About midway through summer, I began to feel very confident about passing the Oral Assessment. Don't ask why. I wasn't even sure myself. I wasn't doing all that well in the practice groups. I came away after each one very much aware of my weaknesses and I was developing a sense of dread toward not only the Structured Interview, but the Case Management exercise. This, of course, followed a period of intense worry over the Group Exercise. So why this sudden burst of confidence? Had I simply worn myself down to the point where I couldn't worry anymore, where I was numb and in the midst of my numbness suffered a rush of wishful thinking?
I don't know, but I'm here to say that the "rush" is well over. I'm at the opposite end of the track now, not terrified but ... concerned. Yes, concerned. That would be a polite way of describing it.
I put aside active studying for the last month. Too much family business -- kids flying in an out, moving one kid to college, dates due at work. I decided to renew my studying, basically setting aside the same block of time every day, starting next Monday. At that point, the household will have settled down. At that point, I will be close enough to the OA to feel that it's okay to focus on it, to give it priority over other obligations.
In the meantime, one of my study group members has passed the OA and one did not. Both were very generous in sharing their experiences, careful to stay within NDA guidelines. The funny thing is, neither felt very confident of their performance during the test. So what does that say about self-assessment?
In other news, I've recruited a friend, also in my age group, to embark on this Foreign Service Journey. She'll be taking the written exam next month. I just sent her a list of helpful websites and some suggestions for studying. I do hope she passes the exam; she'd make a wonderful FSO. One thing she did do that was quite wise: she chose the Consular track. Not only does it coincide with her professional expertise and inspirations, but the hiring is much faster in that track.
So yes, as my date in DC approaches, I'm feeling rather low about my chances for passing. Oddly enough, however, whenever I close my eyes and envision that day, I still picture myself in a room with other people, being given good news. I see smiles and hand-shaking. I guess I'm just a stubborn old optimist. Even as one part of my conscious generates fear, another part insists that I'll make it through. How's that for internal conflict?
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