It Finally Happened!

I got an offer.

Today, Sunday, this afternoon, my son saw the email first.

We're over the top with relief and joy. This has been a long, hard slog and I'm so very, very grateful that it's finally over. Now, I can move on. We can move on.

For the moment, I don't want to even think about all the work that awaits us, just to get ready for the move. That's joyous work and I know we'll manage it.

For the moment, I just want to be grateful.

Thank you for all the heartfelt words and prayers of support you've sent along the way.

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Another Class

... has apparently passed me by. I've been informed that all invitations to the November class have been sent out. Not everyone has responded yet and so I suppose there's still some smidgen of a chance that I'll get an offer, but I'm not holding my breath.

I remain grateful, however, that this class is happening at all. It arrived in time to save some people whose candidacies were about to expire. And it should result in another increase in my ranking and increase my chances of getting into the January class. So I'm going to try hard to focus on that and bury my disappointment.

Thanks to all the folks who have written and sent me their best wishes -- and blessings and congratulations to all those who've gotten offers.

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So ...

It's probably painfully obvious from my long silence that I did not get an offer. I did come close, though. I missed by only three places. There was hope (a bit of roller coaster ride) up until the last moment. The last offer out was finally accepted just two days ago.

Good news: my new rank puts me in the "green zone." Bad news: offers for the next class probably won't go out until October / November, which means there's plenty of time for my rank to slide.

I guess it's back to studying Turkish. Sigh.

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Slightly Obsessive, You Say?

The Shadow Register was quiet all last week. No one reported any (second-round) offers. I waited and waited and then on Friday checked my rankings again to see if there had been any movement. Well, yes, there had been. I'd moved up -- by exactly one slot.

Grrrr! Teeth-grinding time.

ONE SLOT??? What does that mean? 

Could it be that only one new acceptance had come in since the last time I checked (an entire week earlier)? Or could it be that the overly-busy folks at State simply hadn't had the time to update the Register?

In late May, my rank was 27. Checked two days after the first round of offers went out, my rank came in at 19 and therefore reflected at least eight acceptances. The latest rank of 18 would make it nine. That leaves a lot of offers (publicly) unaccounted for. And that could mean the possibility of more offers,  couldn't it? 

Oh, tell me it would!

I want to think positively. I want to be confident. I want to hold my chin up high and keep a stiff upper lip! And there have certainly been moments when I've managed to do exactly that. But please note that I said "moments." Not minutes, or even seconds, but moments. The rest of the time I try not to think about it. As a matter-of-fact, I spend an inordinate amount of time trying not to think about it. It's exhausting.

This business of sitting on the Registers is ...  well, it can certainly tinker with your sanity, can't it? For example, if you're like me, then you don't consider yourself particularly adept with an Excel spreadsheet. But you suddenly find yourself very adept at designing fairly complicated formulas and charts to track your progress on the Register. You assign a green zone and an orange zone and a red zone to the rankings -- those ranges where you're most "likely" (or unlikely) to get the call. And you scour the board for rankings related to previous offers, then double check the dates to make sure those numbers don't reflect a different time, a different reality -- that they're still relevant to your situation, to right now. You do all that and plug it all in and admire your pretty handiwork and then ... 

Well, then you collapse. You realize that you can do all the calculating you want, but unless you're ranked in the single digits, you can't be sure of anything. Even then, your optimism is affected by an awareness that you're incredibly vulnerable to a host of factors beyond your control.

So how am I feeling today, at this moment? Optimistic, I'd say. Irrationally, perhaps, but still happily.

We'll see. This week should provide definitive answers. 

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September? No Offer, Not Yet

People on the A-100 Yahoo forum started reporting offers last Monday, June 27. None of those highly desired emails from State arrived in my mail box, unfortunately. And yes, I'm bummed. I admit it.

I think my rank before the offers for the September Class went out was around 25 or 27. Actually, it could've been much lower down on the Register, since I hadn't checked my rank in a month -- and a lot can happen in that amount of time. Long story short, I checked on Wednesday and learned that my new ranking was 19/180. This was the result after all consular offers for the September class had been sent out. (I've read that ranks don't change when the offers go out; they're only updated when people accept an offer and are then removed from the Register.)

If any of the initial offer recipients declined, then we'll learn about it this week, I hope. Usually, second-round offers, when there are any, are sent out the week following the first round.

I would so love to get an offer, but I'm steeling myself for another week of silence, and then months of watching my rank slip.

But, in the meantime, I'm sending out my best wishes and congratulations to those who did get an offer. One of the most touching and meaningful stories is that of NJT. I'm so happy to hear that NJT has gotten an offer -- finally. This person has gone through a lot. My heartfelt blessings go out to the winner and family.

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Bad News

The last time I posted, one of my commentators brought up the possibility of a November class. That news cheered me. However, today someone on the A-100 board brought this to our attention. It's a quote from the State Department's career forum:

At this point,  there is no A-100 class scheduled for October 2011.  Our last A-100 class of this fiscal year will begin Sept. 12.    The class following that is scheduled for early 2012.

The schedule could always change based on budget and hiring authorizations,  but that's where things currently stand.

So it's the September class, or bust, for this calendar year, anyway.

My concern isn't just for myself, though. It's for the people whose candidacy will automatically terminate this year. Every now and then I see an anguished message on the board, as in the one by the person who quoted the State Department forum message. I feel for him and know that I could one day be standing in his shoes.

When I first started this process, a waiting term of 18 months seemed so generous, but at that time, people with even 5.4s were receiving invitations within four to six months of landing on the list. Now, 18 months seems like the shortest time in the world.

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Keeping Hope Alive

All the invitations for the July A-100 have gone out. Apparently, all were accepted on the first go-round, so there was no second round. This news didn't surprise me. After all, several of the decliners for the May class indicated a preference for the July orientation; others were coming off the DNC list. Also, there's a general sense of slow panic on the A-100 Yahoo forum right now. People are urging everyone to accept an offer because the chance might not come around again.

The lowest rank to receive an offer in the consular cone was #25 on the Shadow Register (an attempt by the forum to duplicate the official Register). The candidate had a score of 5.6, so no 5.57s received invitations this time around.

Next up is the September class. It's to be the last training class held this year. Then there's a long haul until 2012, when there's usually a January class. I say "usually" because of the uncertainty of the budget.

Invitations to the September class will probably go out in late June/early July. If I'm not a lucky recipient, then that'll mean a long wait until October/November, when invitations for the January class go out. Three months in which my ranking could again start to slide, as high-scorers are added to the list and others improve their scores with mega-bonus language points.

I've been chasing this dream for nearly three years now. I'm exhausted. My family is exhausted. And we're all a bit frustrated. I've thought about taking the FSOT again, but ... just the thought, just the thought of running that whole gamut again ....

For the past few days I was able to get away from worrying about all this, days I spent immersed in my other world, the book world, at the Book Expo America convention in New York. It was great to be around so many wonderful, creative people and gorgeous books brimming with unusual ideas. I also had a good time seeing friends who live at a distance. It was nice, very nice, to be with people like me: writers.

I'm finding it hard to write right now. I'm finding it very hard to focus. But I have to. My agent just wrote me this morning and reminded me that I have a short story due. And I'm reminding myself that I have a manuscript due, my deadline, not his. Sales on my latest book are doing well, so I can be happy about that.

This summer, I hope to be able to find enough peace of mind to focus on writing again. Finances are tight, so I can't take a big vacation -- I don't want to, anyway. Instead, I'll aim for several mini-vacations, long weekends, essentially, in which I visit friends in Boston and Chicago and maybe Vermont and West Virginia. There's even the possibility of a trip to Austin.

When it comes to summer goals, there's this apartment, too. Old and battered and full of stuff. Seven rooms of stuff. Last month, I finally got my mom settled into an assisted living facility. It was clear that she was happy there and not moving back here, so I at last felt free to empty this place. I went to work with tons of gritty determination. However, the dust (a toxic mix if ever there was one) got to me. Sneezing and wheezing, I had to call time out after several days. I finally wised up and order a mask with a HEPA filter. It arrived the other day and so I'll spend part of my summer emptying the place, room by room.

Last, but not least, is studying Turkish. It's not a "difficult" language, not really. But it is complex and learning it requires one's full concentration, something I'm having a hard time giving right now. Still, I'll pursue it. It's a beautiful language and I have a great teacher. I doubt I'll be able to learn it well enough to pass the language test, but I'll keep trying.

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A Sliver of Hope

Yup, that's right. Invites are going out for the July training class. Someone on the Con list at #25 actually got called. So I suppose there's some sliver of hope for me! Depending on whether people turned down their invitations, a second wave of invites might go out next week. Here's hoping!

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What Can I Tell Ya? I'm Weak.

So, I'd promised myself that I wouldn't bother HR at State for an update on my ranking until it was clear that all of the offers for the May class had gone out and been accepted.

Guess what? I couldn't do it. I just couldn't wait that long, ("that long" being probably no more than a day.) This morning I gave in to temptation and sent that little request for an update. 

The folks in HR are efficient and fast. I've apparently "inherited" one of the slots inhabited by the last guy who was called. His rank was 33/190 and my new one is 33/189.

Here's hoping that that number will be as lucky for me as it was for him!

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Great News: 5.57s Have Gotten "the Call"

At least two people with scores of 5.57  on the (shadow) consular register have now gotten the call for the May class. One said his (official) rank (on the real register), as of last week, was 26/193 and the other said his was 33/190. That's certainly encouraging.

Of note, one guy said he would have expired off the register in 12 days. The other had been waiting since August 2010. So it felt real good to see their notes on the A-100 Yahoo Forum message board. I felt good for them and good for me and the rest of us 5.57s.

I hope the next calls, for the summer class, will reach the 5.57s also. I'm about four or five slots down from one of the people who were called this time around. Those slots are filled with people who've also been waiting a very long time and I'd like to see them get their chance.

And yes, I'm praying for me, too. I would pick up and leave tomorrow if State called. That's how ready I am.

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Good News & Not So Good News

So the previously canceled May A-100 has been reinstated and calls have gone out. This has made a lot of people very happy and restored hope.

Meanwhile, my ranking has dropped. My new ranking of 40/196 is actually the bounce back after having fallen to an estimated nearly 50 while Congress sorted out the budget, during which delay more and more folks tested for high language bonus points and moved to the head of the line.

There's faith now that there will be July and September classes. One of the forums on State's site did mention a November class, but for some reason that was never listed on the A-100 board. It seems to be a given that the September class could be the last one of the year.

At one point, I held out hope of getting the call for the September class. Now I think it unlikely. The tops of the registers are crowded with high-scorers -- from 5.7s up to 6+. In some cases they take up as many as the first 30 places. It will take a while to pare this down. Also, some of the Pickering and Rangel Fellows, as well as others who were perhaps finishing up degrees will be coming off the Do-Not-Call (DNC) list and become available for training. All that pushes my humble 5.57 further down the list.

How's my Turkish coming along? Slowly. I'm enjoying the language, but it's hard to stay motivated, when I know that next year's budget is not only up in the air, but the likely subject of another contentious debate, one that could end up with State severely restricting its hiring.

I guess I'm praying for a miracle. I never would've thought that a 5.57 would be just shy of good enough when I started this journey, but that's how it's turned out. Wow ...

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Hearing the Silence

Ever since the (unofficial) news came that State canceled the May class, I've had to make a conscious effort to keep hope alive. At one point a 5.57 was more than enough to guarantee an invitation to an A-100, but those days seem to be gone. The number of people with 5.6s and up continues to climb, mainly due to language bonus points. And each week that passes by my rank falls lower and lower on the Register.

Nevertheless, I do feel a sense of hope. Why? Well, it isn't due to my nascent gifts with Turkish. Lemme tell ya! I'm studying but progress is slow.

I guess I choose to believe because (a) it just feels better than giving in to despair; (b) common sense dictates that Congress will eventually pass a budget, one that will (eventually) allow State to resume training and (c) that the November class mentioned on State's website will help defray the damage done by the canceled May class.

Speaking of which, I also (d) retain hope that there will be a May class. The State Department responders to questions on the Careers Forum keep saying that invitations to A-100s go out six to eight weeks in advance, sometimes as little as four weeks in advance. This runs counter to the approximations posted on the A-100 Yahoo Group, which put advance notice at up to 90 days, i.e., 12 weeks in advance. If I go by State's statement, however, (the wiser choice, don't you think), then notices wouldn't go out before the middle of this month. In other words, if Congress passes a budget in time, then we might have a May class after all. That would be great.

Meanwhile, I'm considering signing up for a once a week Turkish beginner's class. I think I've already learned more than half of what the class would teach me, but I miss learning in a group and I believe I need practice in communicating the language. Most importantly, I want to make sure I have the fundamentals down pat. This is the same method I used to teach myself German. I started by studying alone, then took a basic course to firm up the fundamentals, and built on that, teaching myself the rest. By the time I moved to Germany, I understood 75% of what I heard. I was reluctant to speak, but once I started, it wasn't that difficult.

I still hope, however, that I won't need Turkish to get the call. I hope, and pray, with all my heart, that Congress will find a shared, rational and reasonable middle ground, and that within the next few weeks, we'll have news of a firm decision that takes us to September 30, the end of the fiscal year. It wouldn't address the matter of the November class, but it would be a start.

Meanwhile, I try not to think about how so much of this involves factors beyond my control. I think about Bridget (over at the B files) and how she anguished over getting the call. In the end, she waited only four months. Going by her time line, I had thought--hoped--to get the call in May for a July class. That seems like an impossibility now. So much has changed so radically since she got the call in October, only five months ago.

Five months from now, the pendulum could swing back the other way, I suppose, but how far down on the Register will I be by then? My rank has already been pushed down to the forties. The number of people with 5.6s and up continues to increase every week. And as more of them realize the narrowing window of opportunity, fewer of them will be going DNC (Do Not Call) status.

The chatter on the A-100 board has all but stopped. Everyone's just watching and waiting. You can almost hear the silence.

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New Rank on the Register

Five minutes ago, I got the great news that my bonus points have been officially added to my score. That new tally of 5.57 brings my ranking from 109/191 to 37/199.

Wow! I feel dizzy, almost like I've just ridden a rocket ship!

This really increases my hope of receiving the call sometime within the next six months. It's so good to feel hope again.

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Grace and Blessings! I Passed!

My son opened up the email from the BEX yesterday and found the answer we'd been praying for:

“You passed the German BEX language test …”

I was so stunned. So totally stunned. I had actually already written to BEX, requesting to take the test again. I was that convinced I'd flunked it. And meanwhile, I'd started listening to Turkish tapes, wondering if it wasn't better to just spend the next six months learning Turkish.

That was yesterday. This morning, I'm still trying to take it in. But the shock is fading and it's giving way to gratitude. I’m grateful, so grateful, and so very, very relieved.

Almost immediately after receiving the email from State, I wrote back, asking for an update on my ranking on the Register. I’m hoping that my new score of 5.57 will put me in the  thirties. I do hope so. There are quite a few people with 5.6s and higher, but not so many. It’s mainly the other 5.57s I have to stand behind. We’re listed according to when we landed on the register. My date was January 12. So I’ll go behind the person who got on the register before that date and ahead of anyone who got on later, even if they received their 5.57 before I did.

I pray to get the call late this spring or early this summer, for the A-100 class that is schedded for the fall. Perhaps they would have to increase class size again and reach fairly deep into the register to get to me. Some say that's unlikely. Still, it might happen. The March class is already filled. There’s a class after that, which I doubt I’ll be called for— and then there’s another class after that. The third class would be the September one. That’s the one by which time I sincerely hope I’ve moved high enough up on the register to receive "the call."

In the meantime, I'm still considering whether to study Turkish. I really enjoyed the tapes I downloaded. I didn't have the faintest idea of what I was saying, but I found the pronunciation surprisingly easy. And it was enjoyable to start with a fresh language. There's an intensive beginner's class starting in April and I would like to sign up for it. I could study it now without pressure. If I get good enough at it, then maybe I could actually take the Turkish test and pass that, too. Wouldn't that be something?

But the main thing I'll do with this waiting time is use it to prepare — to clean up the apartment, empty it of clutter, make it ready for us to pack and move to Washington DC. The cleaning process will also help me believe that this is going to happen. We will be leaving this place and we will be moving on to a better one, a safer, cleaner, happier one. That’s our future.

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Language Exam and Karma and Hope vs the Other Thing (Despair)

I have no idea whether I passed my German language exam. It was ... indescribable. Partly because of NDA requirements (which were not mentioned, by the way, by the testers, but are mentioned on State's website, I believe). And partly because ... part of me just doesn't want to think about all the mistakes I made.

In a word, I babbled. And babbled. And babbled some more.

Until they cut me off. Politely, but firmly, brought it to an end.

I had been dreading this test for weeks; this morning, leading up to it, my stomach was in knots. By the time 9 a.m. came around and I lifted the receiver to call the testing site, I was more nervous than I'd been the day of my Oral Assessment.

Really?

Yes, really.

Why?

Because the difference in score could--at this point, most probably would--make all the difference in my chances of getting an invitation to an A-100, in other words a firm job offer. The same OA score that two years ago would have been a shoe-in, and even this time last year would've stood a healthy chance of success, now means almost no chance of getting in.

On January 20, I was 107 out of 182 on the register. As of yesterday, I was 109 out of 191. Not good. I'm dropping like a rock and the register continues to grow longer. I had hoped that because a good number of people were reportedly invited to the March A-100 that I would move up. Instead, I moved down. And I received this news on the eve of my phone test. So I put enormous pressure on myself to pass this thing.

Now, trying to think positively, I suppose I can say that although I'm not happy  I babbled, I am glad that I didn't become too terrified to speak. If anything else, I went the opposite way ... continuing to yammer on, trying to find the right words to express what I meant until they had to shut me up. Politely, but firmly shut me up. Actually, it's rather funny when you think about it.

I just wanted to go out and get drunk. Unfortunately, we don't have liquor in the house. I always forget to buy some. So I promised myself that when I went out, I'd go buy myself some booze and drown my sorrows. And I did. Go out, I mean. I took my laptop to the shop and was relieved to hear that instead of spending $800+ for a new logic board, I'd only have to spend $400 for a flat fee to fix the multitudinous things plaguing my baby. Then I went to the post office and finally picked up copies of my latest book (an about-to-be-best seller -- yay!) and then I went home.

Did you notice something?

I forgot all about my plans to guzzle liquor until I walked in the door. Well, I was so upset about that that I decided to fix some home-grown brew. I tore my coat off, marched into the kitchen and found some instant coffee. I poured some granules into a nice tall glass, then added milk and sugar. Stirred briskly. Drank greedily. With a little imagination (okay, a lot of imagination), it tasted just like Benedictine. There ya go! Benedictine on a tight budget. I promptly got drunk on my home-made liquor and passed out in the living room armchair, exhausted after weeks and weeks of worrying about deadlines and tests and making clients happy.

Then I woke up.

Ever since then I've been trying to tell myself that them cutting me off doesn't equate to an automatic failure. But ...

I've also reminded myself that I can take the test again in six months or that I've already found a school where I can study Turkish for a reasonable fee.

I keep telling myself that I've only been on the register for one month. I still have seventeen months to go -- seventeen months to learn a new language and get those bonus points.

But I'm also tired. I've been chasing this Foreign Service dream for a long time now, and I'm exhausted. I feel as though I'm chasing after a moving target. Every time I overcome one hurdle, I turn and suddenly find a new one.

My son and I talked about me going for a third round--taking the FSOT, etc.--but ... I'm not the only one who's exhausted. My family and friends are, too. And I've begun to wonder whether this whole thing is "meant" for me. And yes, I do mean in the metaphysical, psychic, karma kind of sense. Remember that saying, "Many are called, but few are chosen?" Well, I've begun to wonder whether  I'm meant to be one of the 'many' and not of the 'few.'

I spoke to a wonderful woman this evening, an acquaintance who has had to endure a double liver transplant and a mastectomy and who is still fighting cancer. She spoke to me about hope. She doesn't know my situation. We were discussing something else entirely, but her words struck a chord. Actually, we were talking about survival methods. She said that everyone needs to feel hope, that it was important to find something specific to hope for, even if it's something small, something you can cling to.

So I'm trying to find hope now. I'm praying for a miracle, that I passed my language test after all. And I'm praying for real movement, upward movement, on the register.

In the meantime, I want to thank everyone who takes the time to visit this sparsely-written blog, to read my entries and then leave a comment. I appreciate the support and encouragement. It has meant a great deal to me. So thank you and best wishes also to those of you who, like me, are still struggling to run this crazy marathon.

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Yes! I'm On the Register!!

OMG! I got the letter today! I've been added to the Register for the Consular Affairs career track!

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