Keeping Hope Alive

All the invitations for the July A-100 have gone out. Apparently, all were accepted on the first go-round, so there was no second round. This news didn't surprise me. After all, several of the decliners for the May class indicated a preference for the July orientation; others were coming off the DNC list. Also, there's a general sense of slow panic on the A-100 Yahoo forum right now. People are urging everyone to accept an offer because the chance might not come around again.

The lowest rank to receive an offer in the consular cone was #25 on the Shadow Register (an attempt by the forum to duplicate the official Register). The candidate had a score of 5.6, so no 5.57s received invitations this time around.

Next up is the September class. It's to be the last training class held this year. Then there's a long haul until 2012, when there's usually a January class. I say "usually" because of the uncertainty of the budget.

Invitations to the September class will probably go out in late June/early July. If I'm not a lucky recipient, then that'll mean a long wait until October/November, when invitations for the January class go out. Three months in which my ranking could again start to slide, as high-scorers are added to the list and others improve their scores with mega-bonus language points.

I've been chasing this dream for nearly three years now. I'm exhausted. My family is exhausted. And we're all a bit frustrated. I've thought about taking the FSOT again, but ... just the thought, just the thought of running that whole gamut again ....

For the past few days I was able to get away from worrying about all this, days I spent immersed in my other world, the book world, at the Book Expo America convention in New York. It was great to be around so many wonderful, creative people and gorgeous books brimming with unusual ideas. I also had a good time seeing friends who live at a distance. It was nice, very nice, to be with people like me: writers.

I'm finding it hard to write right now. I'm finding it very hard to focus. But I have to. My agent just wrote me this morning and reminded me that I have a short story due. And I'm reminding myself that I have a manuscript due, my deadline, not his. Sales on my latest book are doing well, so I can be happy about that.

This summer, I hope to be able to find enough peace of mind to focus on writing again. Finances are tight, so I can't take a big vacation -- I don't want to, anyway. Instead, I'll aim for several mini-vacations, long weekends, essentially, in which I visit friends in Boston and Chicago and maybe Vermont and West Virginia. There's even the possibility of a trip to Austin.

When it comes to summer goals, there's this apartment, too. Old and battered and full of stuff. Seven rooms of stuff. Last month, I finally got my mom settled into an assisted living facility. It was clear that she was happy there and not moving back here, so I at last felt free to empty this place. I went to work with tons of gritty determination. However, the dust (a toxic mix if ever there was one) got to me. Sneezing and wheezing, I had to call time out after several days. I finally wised up and order a mask with a HEPA filter. It arrived the other day and so I'll spend part of my summer emptying the place, room by room.

Last, but not least, is studying Turkish. It's not a "difficult" language, not really. But it is complex and learning it requires one's full concentration, something I'm having a hard time giving right now. Still, I'll pursue it. It's a beautiful language and I have a great teacher. I doubt I'll be able to learn it well enough to pass the language test, but I'll keep trying.