PNQs: Personal Narrative Essays

Submitted my Personal Narrative Essays today. Put it off as long as possible, then got worried that the site might crash on the deadline day. Reviewed them, but couldn't think of better answers than the ones already prepared.

Need to notify folks that State might be calling them for verification. Don't want to notify anyone. Have told only one person that I took the Written. Told him that I failed. Have not even let him know that I passed. Am hesitant to even write about it here. Might just "unpublish" the announcement, actually. Being superstitious, I guess.

Should I notify them? That would seem to be the most adult thing to do.

But then everyone would know again. Everyone would ask, What happened?

Suppose I don't even get an invite to the OA?

Invitations are sent out based on your cumulative score: the written plus your PNQs.

Have heard of people who were invited to OAs before but then fail and successfully retake the written, who then receive an invitation to submit PNQs, but then don't receive invitation to OA again.

Is this fear talking? Pure, irrational fear?

Yes.

Am I listening to it?

Hmmm ...

Oh, well. I'm still very happy and thrilled to have passed again. I'm grateful at every stage of the process. Just plain old grateful.

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Foreign Service Written Exam: The Results

Dare I write this? I actually passed the Foreign Service Written Exam. Again. Can't believe it. Am stunned. Words can't describe and so on and so on.

Am told I am to submit my Personal Narrative Essays by April 13, 2010. Refuse to think about it. Submission of PNQs means running another risk of rejection. Will do it, of course. But simply want to savor this unexpected victory!

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Back at the Starting Gate: The Foreign Service Written Exam

Took the Foreign Service Written Exam this morning. Feel that I did not pass. The thing is, I actually studied for it this time.

(Last year, I did a little crash studying in geography and American history. Otherwise, did nothing. And when I took the test, I was worried 'cause I found it too easy. I was sure I'd missed something.)

I studied hard. Bought some apps on the iTunes store for U.S. and European history and studied like my life depended on it. Sat down to the test this morning and felt like I didn't know a darn thing. Question after question I left blank, promising myself I'd go back to it, hoping that by the time I did, my mind would've woken up and the "right" answer would present itself.

And that essay! Oh, my stars! Talk about a bunch of discombobulated logic! I really embarrassed myself.

I'm very disappointed in myself. That, actually, is an understatement.

What made the difference? Why was taking last year's test so easy?

Two things: First, I had no idea what I was getting into. I expected to fail. I took the test because I had always wanted to sit for the Foreign Service. However, I had no hope of actually passing. You could've knocked me over with a feather when I found out that I did. Having gotten so close to a dream I never had a hope of realizing, this year's test meant a lot to me. Maybe, too much.

But that still wasn't the main difference.

The main thing that made the difference was the fact that I stopped reading the newspaper. When I took the test last year, I was addicted--addicted to the New York Times, that is. I would spend three, four hours a day reading it online. I couldn't get enough of it. I read it because the stories were fascinating and because it was a way out of a life that was otherwise wanting in stimulation. Then I decided that I had gotten way too dependent on the paper. I needed to stop, face up to my own life, and stop I did. In retrospect, I see that that was a mistake. I've started reading the paper again. Oh, not every day, and not three hours at a time. But I do read it again, and feel as though I'm coming home.

I guess I'll be finishing this post with the same question posed in the last one. Will I take the test again? Probably. I was and am upset by my performance today, so I want to rectify it. But I also enjoy the test. Call me a nerd if you want to. I don't care. The test is fun--especially if you just don't care--or don't let yourself care too much.

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